Boys behaving badly.. By Pius Adesanmi (Professor)

18 03 2019

Today, I decide on a capitalist lunch alone. My assigned driver takes me to a capitalist restaurant – one of the elitist watering holes of anybody who is anybody in Nigeria’s centre of power.

I invite the driver to come in with me. He is shocked. He is used to waiting in the car. Or being given some change to go and find an appropriate Mama Put for his own lunch while the Ogas eat in the capitalist location.

I have no idea why I asked him to come with me. Inside, we strike a picture of contrasts. All eyes raised. All eyes looking at the odd pair.

We are taken to a table for one because the waitress naturally assumes that my driver is just carrying my phone and will find his way out to wait in the car as soon as I am seated.

I ask her for a table for two. She looks at me, looks at the driver, mouth agape. Something ain’t adding up. She takes us to a table for two. The driver is in a strange universe. Fish out of water.

I help him with the complications of the life of the rich: how to order swallow and “protein” from a menu in the ways of the rich instead of barking at Sikira to add more ponmo and shaki at Iya Basira’s buka. I order the same swallow and protein for both of us.

Inquisitive looks. Hostile looks. Querying looks. You’d think we were a black and white interracial couple that had just entered a public space holding hands in America or Canada. It is the same looks of disapproval. But this time, it is not from folks frowning on interracial border crossing. It is from rich Nigerians, big Nigerians, Ogas at the top and their accent-forming sophisticated mistresses, feeling that their space has been violated by the presence of my driver.

Much to my disappointment, nobody says anything to us and I miss the opportunity of a fight. However, I’m extremely pleased with what is going on – this sense that I am violating that space gives me immense satisfaction. I am also pleased that once he attacks his food, the driver no send anybody again. He eats with the natural noises of his normal buka environment – sneezing, belching, guffawing, etc.

There are moments when one has to be a strategic agbaya if it serves the purpose of getting on the nerves of a certain class of people so I join in the bad behaviour, also belching loudly and drawing satisfaction from the disapproving looks on the faces of some of the accent-faking sophisticated ladies and their male company at other tables.

We walk out royally after our meal. I can sense the happiness which engulfs my driver. We strike a conversation about it all on the way to the airport. He tells me that the most painful part of it for him is that all those madams and ogas spending about N10,000 for a meal for two are often people who owe their drivers, cooks, houseboys, house girls, gardeners, maiguards and nannies salary arrears and refuse to pay.

That is when it occurs to me that he probably would have appreciated the cash equivalent of what I just spent on a single lunch for him.

Our bill was N8000.

At the airport, I give him N4000.

His profuse prayers are the last words I hear as the airport terminal swallows me on my way to Lagos………
~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pius Adesanmi is a Nigerian Professor with Carlton University in Canada that is among those that died on the ill fated Ethiopia airline

Rest in Peace Professor Pius Adesanmi…..๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ





ย Sabaste and the Jew :Short storyย 

11 03 2017

โ€‹

St Sabasta was very distressed when a Jewish business man he had brought to the verge of converting to Christianity wanted to go to Rome, to the Vatican to do business. This was the time of the Borgia Pope”

” You should get baptized first before going,” Sabasta pleaded 

“Why” 

“Because once you see the Pope and cardinals and how corrupt they are you will never join the Catholic Church ”

” I am good businessman “,  said the Jew” and I believe in business before pleasure” ”  I must conclude my business in the Vatican first ” 

A few months later the Jew returned and came straight to Sabasta 

“I am ready to be baptized now  and enter the Church ”

” What!   you didn’t go after all? ”

” No,  I just came back, ” the Jew replied. 

” And you want to become a Catholic,  after seeing the corrupt cardinals and Pope ”

” Yes,  I told you I am a good business man. ” 

“In my experience,  any institution as corrupt as the Catholic Church will collapse in 14 months. The Church has lasted 14 centuries.  It has to be miraculously preserved by God.  So I want to join”





We canโ€™t communicate, ย Woman tells Divorce Judge :Short storyย 

10 03 2017

โ€‹


You may have heard the story of the frustrated judge preparing to hear a divorce case:

Liking people is 

the beginning of 

the ability to 

communicate.

โ€œWhy do you want a divorce?โ€ the judge asked. โ€œOn what grounds?โ€

โ€œAll over. We have an acre and a half,โ€ responded the woman.

โ€œNo, no,โ€ said the judge. โ€œDo you have a grudge?โ€

โ€œYes, sir. Fits two cars.โ€

โ€œI need a reason for the divorce,โ€ said the judge impatiently.

โ€œDoes he beat you up?โ€

โ€œOh, no. Iโ€™m up at six every day to do my exercises. He gets up later.โ€

โ€œPlease,โ€ said the exasperated judge. โ€œWhat is the reason you want a divorce?โ€

โ€œOh,โ€ she replied. โ€œWe canโ€™t seem to communicate with each other.โ€

*****Good communication skills requires the following:.

A genuine concern for the person heโ€™s talking to. When people sense that you have a concern for them, they are willing to listen to what you have to say. Liking people is the beginning of the ability to communicate.

The ability to focus on the responder. Poor communicators are focused on themselves and their own opinions. Good communicators focus on the response of the person theyโ€™re talking to. Good communicators also read body language. When I interview a potential employee, and he canโ€™t read in my body language that Iโ€™m ready to move on to another subject, it sends up a red flag.

The ability to communicate with all kinds of people. A good communicator has the ability to set a person at ease. He can find a way to relate to nearly anyone of any background.

Eye contact with the person heโ€™s speaking to. Most people who are being straight with you are willing to look you in the eye. Personal integrity and conviction make communication credible.

A warm smile. The fastest way to open the lines of communication is to smile. A smile overcomes innumerable communication barriers, crossing the boundaries of culture, race, age, class, gender, education, and economic status.

A leader must be a communication expert 





Woman and the Parrot that wouldn’t eat: Short storyย 

5 03 2017


A woman went to a pet store and purchased a parrot to keep her company. She took her new pet home but returned the next day to report, โ€œThat parrot hasnโ€™t said a word yet!โ€

โ€œDoes it have a mirror?โ€ asked the storekeeper. โ€œParrots like to be able to look at themselves in the mirror.โ€ So she bought the mirror and returned home.

The next day she was back, announcing that the bird still wasnโ€™t speaking.

โ€œWhat about a ladder?โ€ the storekeeper said. โ€œParrots enjoy walking up and down a ladder.โ€ So she bought a ladder and returned home.

Sure enough, the next day she was back with the same storyโ€”still no talk.

โ€œDoes the parrot have a swing? Birds enjoy relaxing on a swing.โ€ She bought the swing and went home.

The next day she returned to the store to announce the bird had died.

โ€œIโ€™m terribly sorry to hear that,โ€ said the storekeeper. โ€œDid the bird ever say anything before it died?โ€

โ€œYes,โ€ the lady replied. โ€œIt said, โ€˜Donโ€™t they sell any food down there”   Don’t rely on hearsay, when the welfare of your neighbor is at stake, ask them. 





Short Jokes

29 09 2016

โ€‹

_1. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing;_

Either the car is new or the wife is.
_2. What’s the difference between stress, tension, and panic?_

*Stress is when wife is pregnant;*

*Tension is when the girlfriend is pregnant;*

_*Panic is when both are pregnant!*_
_3. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?_

*Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away!*
_4.  A young boy asks his Dad: “What is the difference between confident and confidential?_

*Dad says: “You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential!*
_5. A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman ;_

*โ€œWhich book has helped you most in your life?โ€*

*The woman replied , โ€œMy husbandโ€™s cheque book!โ€*
_6. A prospective husband in a book store, Do you have a book called *Husband ย the Master of the House?* *Sales Girl : โ€œSir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”*
_7. Someone asked an old man : โ€œEven after 70 years, you still call your wife Darling, Honey, Love.” Whatโ€™s the secret?”_

*Old man : I forgot her name and Iโ€™m scared to ask her!*
_8. Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So Iโ€™d be in your hands all day._

*Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day!*
*Laughter Is The Best Medicine Ever…* ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚





Cathy Freeman Won Olympic Gold in Full bodysuit

23 08 2016


Cathy Freeman, the Australian 400 metre gold medalist in the 2000 Olympics wore a full head and body suit.





100 Advice That Could Make You Successful

14 07 2016

Wise man
1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.

2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.

3. Donโ€™t knock it โ€˜til you try it.

4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.

5. Always use โ€œweโ€ when referring to your home team or your government.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. DONโ€™T underestimate free throws in a game of HORSE.

8. Just because you can doesnโ€™t mean you should.

9. Donโ€™t dumb it down.

10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

11. If youโ€™re staying more than one night, unpack.

12. Never park in front of a bar.

13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.

14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first girl/boyfriend.

15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.

16. A suntan is earned, not bought.

17. Never lie to your doctor.

18. All guns are loaded.

19. Donโ€™t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.

20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if itโ€™s only once.

21. Take a vacation from your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.

22. Donโ€™t fill up on bread, no matter how good it is.

23. A handshake beats an autograph.

24. Donโ€™t linger in the doorway. In or out.

25. If you choose to go in drag, donโ€™t sell yourself short.

26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

27. Never get your haircut the day of a special event.

28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.

29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.

30. When youโ€™re with new friends, donโ€™t just talk about old friends.

31. Eat lunch with the new kids.

32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.

33. Itโ€™s never too late for an apology.
34. Donโ€™t pose with booze.

35. If you have right of way, TAKE IT.

36. You donโ€™t get to choose your own nickname.

37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

38. Never push someone off a dock.

39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she is pregnant.

40. Itโ€™s not enough to be proud of your ancestry, live up to it.

41. Donโ€™t make a scene.

42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.

43. Know when to ignore the camera.

44. Never gloat.

45. Invest in great luggage.

46. Make time for your mom on your birthday, Itโ€™s her special day too.

47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.

49. Give credit. Take Blame.

50. Suck it up every now and again.

51. Never be the last one in the pool.

52. Donโ€™t stare.

53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.

54. Stand up to bullies. Youโ€™ll only have to do it once.

55. If youโ€™ve made your point, stop talking.

56. Admit it when youโ€™re wrong.

57. If you offer to help donโ€™t quit until the job is done.

58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.

59. Thank the bus driver.

60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

62. Know at least one good joke.

63. Donโ€™t boo. Even the ref is somebodyโ€™s son.

64. Know how to cook one good meal.

65. Learn to drive a stick shift.
66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

67. Itโ€™s okay to go to the movies by yourself.

68. Dance with your mother/father.

69. Donโ€™t lose your cool. Especially at work.

70. Always thank the host.

71. If you donโ€™t understand, ask before itโ€™s too late.

72. Know the size of your boyfriend/girlfriend’s clothes.

73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.

74. Be a good listener. Donโ€™t just take your turn to talk.

75. Keep your word.

76. In college always sit in the front. Youโ€™ll stand out immediately. Come grade time it might come in handy.

77. Carry your motherโ€™s bags. She carried you for 9 months.

78. Be patient with airport security. They are just doing their job.

79. Donโ€™t be the talker in a movie.

80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

81. You are what you do. Not what you say.

82. Learn to change a tire.

83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.

84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

85. Donโ€™t litter.

86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

87. You wonโ€™t always be the strongest of fastest. But you can be the toughest.

88. Never call someone before or after 9 AM and 9PM.

89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

90. Make the little things count.

91. Always wear a bra at work.

92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.

93. Youโ€™re never too old to need your mom.

94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date commit to keeping them on and toning down how much your feet kill.

95. Know the words to your national anthem.

96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone.

97. Smile at strangers.

98. Make Goals.

99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.

100. If you HAVE to fight, punch first and punch hard.





13 How I Met My Love Stories

12 02 2016

13 true love stories
1. The damsel in zero distress.

โ€œOn the Metro ride home one night, I made eye contact with a gorgeous young woman on the platform. I went back to my phone and didnโ€™t think much of it, but she came and sat next to me. Nervous, I didnโ€™t say anything. After several stops, she asked if the train was going to a certain stop. I gave her a quick, โ€˜Yeah, the sign is over there,โ€™ trying to avoid being the creepy passenger thatโ€™s more interested in the person than providing directions. She was persistent and kept asking questions. I gave her my business card before I got off the train and she pointed out that my cell phone number wasnโ€™t on it. We went out the next night and had a great conversation. Weโ€™ve been dating ever since.

P.S. A few days later, she admitted she knew *exactly* where she was going that day.โ€

โ€” Jordan Uhl, Facebook
2. The one time, at band campโ€ฆ

โ€œI had just finished training as an Army musician and been posted to my first band. When Iโ€™m nervous I lose my appetite, so I hadnโ€™t eaten much before my first engagement, which involved standing on a parade square for about an hour and a half. Needless to say, I blacked out and one of the other musicians saw me swaying and caught me and my saxophone before I fell. It took three men to carry me off the square, and the first person I saw when I came around was the musician who caught me. Weโ€™ve been together 10 years now and married for eight!โ€
โ€” claire

3. The lost luggage-turned-found romance.

โ€œA few years ago, I flew to Rome for an archaeological dig and used my field kit as my second carry-on. Well, just my luck: after a 10-hour plane ride, I discovered the airline lost my luggage. After filing my report, I went to my hostel to have a shower and take a long nap. After check in, I asked the girl at the counter where to go to buy supplies and clothes etc, explaining to her my experience with my luggage. When I got back from my shopping trip I found out that my โ€˜roommatesโ€™ had used my allotted towels. Anyway, I went back to the front desk to ask about getting some more towels, and just as the clerk was telling me they didnโ€™t have any more clean towels, the cutest guy I have ever seen tapped my shoulder, telling me that he had some I could borrow. He was visiting from Ireland, and he always brought his own towels while traveling. Apparently, he heard my story earlier and felt really bad for me, and wished there was something he could do. So we went to his room together to get them, and along the way he invited me out for a drink to help improve my day. The best decision in my life was saying yes, because that, boys and girls, is how I met my husband.โ€

โ€”
Alice Mongkongllite

4. The laundry money that turned into cupidโ€™s arrow.

โ€œMy husband and I lived in the same college dorm when we met. Three months into the semester, while doing his laundry, he realized he was 75 cents short and unable to finish drying his last bit of clothes. He walked around the nearby lobby, checking to see if anyone may have any change. I was sitting at a table with friends and happened to have my wallet with me. I looked inside and there were three single quarters. Nothing more. Nothing less. I let him have my quarters and we exchanged names.

Four years later, we were exchanging vows. Not a bad deal for me. 75 cents for the love of my lifeโ€ฆ wait, did he ever pay me back?โ€

โ€” Savannah Pyron, Facebook

5. The radio interview that became a date.

โ€œIt was the early 00โ€™s and I was a blogger, like all twenty-something women. I had a fairly popular/humorous blog about dating in my hometown. The local paper did a full article on me with a big photo. Later that day, I got an email from some radio DJ inviting me on his show for an interview. I didnโ€™t listen to that station and I had no idea who he was, but my mom said, โ€˜Go for it! It could be fun!โ€™ I met him the following week for the on-air interview. We were engaged eight months later and will be married 10 years in October, and have three children. I would have missed out on my whole life if I skipped that interview!โ€

โ€” kristy

6. The love story for the digital age.

โ€œWhen I was a freshman in high school, I was texting my friend. For no reason at all, instead of sending my text to my friend, my phone sent it to a random Florida number. He texted me back asking who I was and when we figured out the strange phenomenon, he asked if I wanted to be friends. We hit it off from there and almost seven years later weโ€™re still together.โ€

โ€” bridgets
7. The classic coffee shop run-in.

โ€œI was at a coffee shop and there was a gorgeous man a few people ahead of me in line. We made eye contact a couple times and he was so good looking, my heart was beating out of my chest! He ordered, I waited my turn and got my own cup of coffee. I walked over to the table where cream and sugars are kept and he came over to fix up his coffee, too. He picked up the sugar bowl and said to me, โ€˜Do you take sugar?โ€™ and promptly dropped the bowl right at my feet, covering both our shoes! We both cracked up and decided to get a table together. We celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary last month!โ€

โ€” heatherannm

8. The dead car that gave a relationship life.

โ€œI was about to turn 30, so I decided to do something โ€˜funโ€™ every day for the last month of my twenties. I ended up doing a lot of stupid meet-up things, including a Cards Against Humanity tournament at a pub. Everyone there was told to make sure their cars werenโ€™t parked in a certain lot. Of course mine was in that lot, but when I went out to move it, my car was dead. I had to call for a tow truck, and the minute I met the tow truck driver, I took one look at him and something clicked in me. I ended up spending the next two hours with him in the truck, talking, laughing, and flirting HARD. When he dropped me off at home, I gave him my number. I had just enough time to text my sister and tell her about how thankful I was that my car broke down, when he sent me a text. We have been together two years now, and he is the love of my life!โ€

โ€” kearag

9. The dog-meets-dog moment.

โ€œMy husband and I met walking dogs. It was a sunny summer day before my summer college class, and I was walking my roommateโ€™s dog. I had no makeup on, it was my third day of not washing my hair, and I was just thinking to myself how I really needed to look human like for my class while sitting on the grass waiting for the dog to potty. Suddenly, I heard someone say helloโ€ฆ and when I looked up, it was a tall, good-looking guy with a Golden Retriever (my favorite breed)! We talked for a couple of minutes while our dogs smelled each otherโ€™s butts and we each went back to our apartments. Soon, we began to secretly anticipate each otherโ€™s schedules so that we could take our dogs out at the same time and be able to talk. After running into each other several times, he finally asked me out on a date. Now, a couple of years down the road, we have been blissfully married for five months!โ€

โ€” jihaek
10. The concert of love.

โ€œI went out last-minute to a concert with a friend during finals week, which I thought I would immediately end up regretting. But I met a super-cute guy there and we really hit it off. Unfortunately, I was moving to another city, so I told him that nothing was going to come of itโ€ฆ until he told me he actually lived in the city I was moving to. He ended up picking me up from the airport when I arrived, and the rest is history.โ€

โ€” wildern

11. The fateful hockey match.

โ€œMy now-fiancรฉ and I literally ran into one another while on the same co-ed hockey team. This was my first match on this new team after just moving to this new state. I got lost on the way to the rink, so I showed up late and didnโ€™t have the chance to meet all my new teammates. We were both skating fast for the puck so we hit at incredible speed. He jumped up and helped me up. The moment we locked eyes was it and we have been together for the last four years. Needless to say, we were love struck after that crash.โ€

โ€” Gohill89

12. The non-pet friendly hotel.

โ€œI had just moved to town and my apartment wasnโ€™t ready yet, so I had to stay in a hotel. The hotel had a strange rooming system. I was in 4B โ€” the clerk said the door would be cracked open because the cleaning crew had just finished. I reached a cracked door and assumed it was mine, so I opened it. There was a man standing there with a dog in a non pet-friendly hotel. He just looked at me and said, โ€˜Please do not tell on me! My house is being fumigated and this was the best hotel I could afford!โ€™ I just laughed and said, โ€˜Dude, chill. I just moved here, my dogs in the car, I intend on sneaking her in too. Your dog is cute as hell.โ€™

We ended up really hitting it off, as did our dogs. He went home the next day, but we exchanged numbers. On my second-to-last day at the hotel, somebody called in about my dog. They let me stay, but said my dog had to go. He offered us both a place to crash, which I said was too weird, but I let my dog stay. We ended up dating and are still together.โ€

–HMC

13. The low blood sugar sweethearts.

โ€œBefore he was my husband, I worked in the same department with him at work. I was also part of a medical first response team made up of trained volunteers for on-the-job medical emergencies that might arise. My husband is diabetic and he had low blood sugar at work one day. His normal response to a low is falling asleep, but this day, he was very animated and laughing and jumping around. I and a couple other medical team members were trying to calm him down and get him to eat something to bring his blood sugar up. To stop him from running through the facility, I was holding his hand. Once we got him to calm down and sit, I sat next to him and talked. I maaaaay have been flirting a little bit. He was cute, after all. He kept saying he loved my smile and asked why was my face turning red. Anyway, after that we started to talk at work and a few weeks later he asked me over for dinner. We were engaged three months later and have now been together six years and married for four. And the really crazy thing was that day I was actually supposed to be on vacation, but plans feel through.โ€

โ€” Susan Wellhoefer Roeske, Facebook

Stories courtesy of BuzzFeed Community





To Charles Dickens: We Are Running Out

19 12 2015

 

scrooge

Dear Dickens,

I am a bishop, and I have accepted the curious assignment of writing each month for the Messenger of Saint Anthony a letter to some illustrious figure.

Pressed for time, with the Christmas season upon us, I really didn’t know whom to choose. But then, in a newspaper, I came across an advertisement for an edition of your famous Christmas Books. I promptly said to myself: I read them as a boy, and I enjoyed them immensely because they are filled with love for the poor and a sense of social regeneration; they are warm with imagination and humanity: I shall write to him. And so here I am, taking the liberty of disturbing you.

 

***

 

I mentioned earlier your love for the poor. You felt it and expressed it magnificently, because as a boy you also lived among the poor. At the age of twelve, when your father was put into debtors’ prison, you went to work in a blacking warehouse, to help support your mother and your brothers and sisters. From morning till night, your little hands prepared pots of blacking, under the gaze of a merciless employer. At night you slept in an attic. On Sunday, to keep your father company, you and your whole family spent the day in prison, where your childish eyes were wide with amazement, alert and moved, at the sight of dozens and dozens of pathetic cases.

This is why all your novels are populated by the poor, by people who live in distressing poverty: women and children pressed into labor in factories or in shops, without any choice, even under the age of six. There is no union to defend them, no protection against sickness or accidents, starvation wages, work continuing up to fifteen hours a day, as with depressing monotony these delicate creatures are bound to the powerful noisy machine, to the physically and morally unhealthy environment, and driven often to seek oblivion in alcohol or to attempt an escape through prostitution.

These are the oppressed, and all of your compassion is poured out on them. On the other side there are the oppressors, whom you stigmatize, your pen driven by the genius of wrath and of irony, capable of shaping typical characters as if in bronze.

 

***

 

One of these figures is the usurer Scrooge, protagonist of your Christmas Carol.

Two gentlemen turn up in his office, books and papers in their hands, to address him: “It is Christmas. At this festive season of the year . . . many thousands are in want of common necessaries, sir!”

Scrooge’s answer: “Are the workhouses not in operation? Are there no prisons?”

 

Scrooge’s answer: “Are the workhouses not in operation? Are there no prisons?”

There are plenty of prisons, Scrooge is assured, and the workhouses are functioning, but “they scarcely furnish Christian cheer of mind or body” on the occasion of Christmas. The gentlemen are collecting funds “to buy the poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. . . . What shall I put you down for?”

“Nothing. … I wish to be left alone. … I don’t make merry myself at Christmas, and I can’t afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned โ€” they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there.”

“Many can’t go there; and many would rather die.”

“If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population. Besides . . . it’s not my business.”

This is how you described Scrooge, the usurer: concerned only with money and business. But when he speaks of business to his “kindred spirit,” his late partner in money-lending, Marley, the latter complains mournfully: “Business! Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence were all my business. . . . Why did I walk through crowds of fellow-beings with my eyes turned down, and never raise them to that blessed Star which led the Wise Men to a poor abode? Were there no poor homes to which its light could have conducted me!”

 

***

 

Since you wrote these words, in 1843, over one hundred and thirty years have gone by. You must be curious to know if and how some remedy has been found for the situations of poverty and injustice that you reported.

I will tell you at once. In your own England, and in industrialized Europe, the workers have greatly improved their position. The only power they could command was their numerical strength. They exploited it.

The old socialist orators used to say: “The camel was crossing the desert; his hooves pounded the grains of sand, and he said, in proud triumph: ‘I am crushing you! I am crushing you!’

“The little grains allowed themselves to be crushed, but the wind rose, the terrible simoon. ‘Come, you grains of sand,’ it said, ‘unite, join with me. Together we will lash the animal and will bury him under mountains of sand!’ ”

The workers, at first separate and scattered grains of sand, have become a compact cloud, in their unions and in the various forms of socialism, which have the undeniable merit of having been, almost everywhere, the chief cause of the workers’ upward rise.

Since your day, they have advanced and achieved much in the areas of economy, social security, culture. And today, through the unions, they often manage to make their voice heard still higher, in the upper ranks of the government where, actually, their fate is decided. All of this cost great sacrifices; opposition and obstacles had to be overcome.

 

opposition and obstacles had to be overcome.

The union of workers in defense of their own rights was, in fact, first declared illegal, then it was tolerated, and finally it was recognized by law. The State at first was a “policeman-state,” declaring labor contracts a completely private matter, forbidding collective bargaining; the boss had the upper hand; laissez-faire reigned without control. “Are two bosses after the same worker? Then the worker’s wages will rise. Are two workers pleading with a boss for a job? Then wages will drop.” This is the law, people said, and it leads automatically to a balance of power! But, on the contrary, it led to the abuses of a capitalism that was, and in some instances still is, a “wicked system.”

 

***

 

And what now? Alas! In your time social injustices were all in one direction: against workers, who could point their fingers at the boss. Today, a vast array of people are pointing their fingers: farm workers complain that they are much worse off than workers in industry; here in Italy, the South is against the North; in Africa, in Asia, in Latin America, the nations of the Third World are against the well-to-do nations.

But even in these privileged countries there are many pockets of poverty and insecurity. Many workers are unemployed or fear for their jobs. They are not always sufficiently protected against accidents, and often they feel treated as mere tools of production and not as human protagonists.

Moreover, the frantic race for creature comforts, the exaggerated, mad use of unnecessary things, has compromised the indispensable things: pure air and pure water, silence, inner peace, rest.

It was believed that oil wells were like the well of Saint Patrick, bottomless; suddenly we realize that we are almost running out of oil. We were confident that when oil was exhausted, at some remote time, we could count on nuclear energy; but now they tell us that its production involves the risk of radioactive wastes, dangerous to man and to his environment.

Fear and concern are great. For many the desert animal to be attacked and buried is no longer only capitalism, but also the present “system,” to be overturned with a total revolution. For others the process of overturning the system has already begun.

The poor Third World of today โ€” they say โ€” will soon be rich, thanks to its oil wells, which it will exploit for itself alone. The comfortable world of consumers, having only a thin trickle of oil, will have to limit its industries, its consumption, and will have to undergo a recession.

In this growing tangle of problems, worries, and tensions, the principles โ€” broadened and adapted โ€” that you, my dear Dickens, supported warmly, if a bit sentimentally, are still valid. Love for the poor, and not so much for the individual poor person as for the poor in general, who, rejected both as individuals and as whole nations, consider themselves a class and feel solidarity with one another. To them, unhesitatingly, the sincere, open preference of Christians must be given, following Christ’s example.

Solidarity: We are all in the same boat, filled with peoples now brought closer together both in space and in behavior; but the boat is on a very rough sea. If we would avoid grave mishaps, the rule must be this: all for one and one for all. Insist on what unites us and forget what divides us.

Trust in God: With the voice of your Marley, you wished that the Star of the Wise Men might illuminate the houses of the poor.

Today the whole world, which has such need of God, is a poor abode!

 

February 1971

Albino Luciani

This article is an excerpt from the book, Illustrissimmi by Albino Luciani





What it feels like to be pregnant: Humor

8 11 2015

What it feel like to be pregnant

A couple had just started their Lamaze class, and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand in order to give him some idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.ย  The husband stood up and shrugged, saying, “This doesn’t feel so bad.”

The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.

“You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?” the husband asked.

“Exactly,” replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, would you pick up that pen for me?”





For only those who catch my eyes: Humor

29 08 2015

For only those who catch my eyes: Humor

Jeff lived on the second floor of a highโ€‘rise apartment.ย  He was getting ready for his evening fiveโ€‘mile run, and, glancing out his balcony window, he noticed that it was very cloudy.ย  He walked out onto the balcony and put his hand out in order to see if it was raining.

To his utter astonishment, a glass eye smacked squarely into his palm!ย  He gaped at it for a moment, then craned his neck to look up the side of the apartment building.ย  About six floors up, a young woman was leaning over.ย  She said “Oh, I’m so sorry!ย  I’m not used to that thing yet, and it just slipped out!ย  Would you be kind enough to bring it up to me?ย  I’m in apartment 812.”

Jeff shrugged and called back up to her that he would.ย  He took the elevator up to the eighth floor, rang the doorbell at apartment 812, and waited.ย  The door opened just a little, and a manicured hand reached out and took the glass eye.ย  A lovely voice said “My name is Marie.ย  If you would just give me a minute to fix myself up, you can come in.”

He waited for a moment, and Marie opened the door.ย  Jeff saw that she was just dropโ€‘dead gorgeous, and his initial misgivings vanished.ย  She asked him if he wanted a drink, and she mixed him the best martini he had ever tasted.ย  Then she took him into the living room and made him comfortable in the sofa right in front of a 50โ€‘inch flatโ€‘screen monitor.

Then Marie asked him what his favorite dinner was.ย  He replied that it was filet mignon with garlic potatoes and asparagus, and, while he watched a football game, she ran out to a nearby grocery store, bought the proper ingredients, and cooked him up one of the best dinners he had ever had.ย  She laid it all out on the dining room table, which was nicely decorated with fresh flowers and lit candles.

Greatly impressed, Jeff asked her “Do you treat all men like this?

And Marie replied “Of course not, silly โ€” only those who catch my eye!”





I just found out I’m a Lesbian

10 07 2013

I just found out I'm a Lesbian, says an old Cowboy

After the cattle drive, an old cowboy went to a bar in Dallas and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked him โ€œAre you a real cowboy?โ€
He replied โ€œWell, I’ve spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, branding โ€˜em, breaking horses, mending fences, so I guess I am.โ€ He then asked her what she was.
She replied โ€œI’m a lesbian.โ€
โ€œWhatโ€™s that?โ€
โ€œWell, I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.โ€
She finished her drink and left the bar. A little while later, a couple sat down next to the old cowboy, and the man asked him โ€œAre you a real cowboy?โ€
He replied โ€œWell, I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.โ€





Smart Little Boy

5 07 2013

The Smart Little Boy

The elderly barber was giving an equally elderly man a haircut, and he saw a ten-year-old boy walking down the sidewalk towards his shop.
He said โ€œYou know, Elmer, todayโ€™s kids are a real disgrace. Theyโ€™re lazy as hell, doing nothing but playing video games, and theyโ€™re so ignorant, they donโ€™t know squat! Here, Iโ€™ll prove it to you.โ€
The boy walked into the shop, and the barber held two quarters in one hand and a dollar bill in the other. He asked the boy โ€œWhich do you want?โ€ The boy took the two quarters, said โ€œThanks!,โ€ and left.
The barber said โ€œAnd they never learn from their mistakes. Thatโ€™s about the fifth time that kid has taken two quarters over the dollar bill.โ€
Elmer paid for his haircut and left the barber shop. As he walked back to the car, he saw the boy talking to a couple of his friends. Elmer strolled over and asked โ€œWhy do you keep taking the two quarters instead of the dollar?โ€
And the kid replied โ€œBecause the day I take the dollar, the gameโ€™s over.โ€