10 Lessons on How to Save Your Family

Opening our eyes, we can see that the family in serious crisis. This being the case, as followers of Christ and defenders of the Domestic Church—the family—let us launch a concerted effort to save our children, save our young, by the means of saving our families. Pessimism, cynicism, and skepticism must not reign in our hearts, but rather confidence and hope that we can help construct a better world by striving for better, more holy families.

Therefore, we would like to offer Ten Vitamins to Vitalize Families. By this we mean to offer ten concrete suggestions to help all of us purify, improve, and perfect our families. Saint Pope John Paul II expressed this truth so clearly: The family is the basic building block of society… and… As the family goes, so goes the society. Hopefully these suggestions will truly make a difference in your struggle to form a good family. Never forget the consoling words of the Archangel Gabriel to Mary that we read in the Annunciation: Nothing is impossible with God.

1. Family Prayer

One of the primary reasons for fights, quarrels, bitterness, coldness, and eventually separations is the lack of prayer in the family. What oxygen is to the lungs, so prayer is to the soul. Prayer should be at the very center and heart of family life. Remember the words of the famous Rosary-priest, Father Patrick Peyton: The family that prays together, stays together.

2. The Father as Head of the Family

When possible, the Father must be the head of the family; the Mother should be the very heart of the family. A family without a head is a Frankenstein; a family without a heart is dead. May the Father assume the role of Spiritual Leader of the family! If you like, the Father should be the priest of the family. This means, the Father should say Yes to life. The Father should love his wife and children. The Father should be the spiritual leader of the family and this means the leader in the prayer life of his family. The most splendid example for the Father should be the best of Fathers, good Saint Joseph!

3. Forgiveness and Mercy

In many families coldness, indifference, and even bitterness permeate the entire family fabric. Why? One of the reasons is due to a lack of forgiveness. Family members must be merciful and forgive, and not just seven times, but seventy times seven times—meaning always! If we want to be forgiven, then we must forgive from our hearts. The Our Father commands this: Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

4. Winning and Victorious Words
The British poet, Alexander Pope penned these words: “To err is human, to forgive is divine.” Family members, cultivating true humility of heart, must learn to say these words: “I am sorry…” and equally important: “I forgive you!” These words said often and with humility of heart can save families!

5. Servant Attitude

Jesus, Son of the living God, washed the feet of the Apostles at the Last Supper. He Himself stated: “The Son of man has not come to be served, but to serve and give His life in ransom for many.” (Mt 20:28) Each and every individual family member must not look to be served, but to be always ready to serve the other members in the family. Love and service are really synonymous.

6. Express Graditude

Even though it is small, and at times, seems to be almost insignificant, these two words can add a condiment to the family recipe, and these two words are Thank you! Saint Ignatius of Loyola asserted: “ The essence of sin is ingratitude.” Cultivate in your families an attitude of gratitude! In sum, what do we have that we have not received from God? Only one thing: our sins—these we chose for ourselves. God loves a humble and grateful heart!
7. Take a Break From Gadgets

A key time in family life must be the meal time. Normally it is when the family connects, comes together to share experiences, to spend time with each other, to bond with each other, in a word, to grow in love with each other. Our Lord’s Last Commandment was: “Love one another as I have loved you.” (Jn 13:34)
There is a comic strip with a family all sitting together on the same big couch. The Father is watching TV, the mother is on her tablet, the son is playing a computer game on his laptop, the teenage daughter is sending a text from her phone, and the family dog has earphones on. We laugh at this, but we also weep, because we can see our own family in this comic strip. Therefore remember, at meal times—even though it might be a mere 20-25 minutes—no phones, tablet, computer, radio nor TV. Each person has infinite value, and their soul being immortal will live forever; the computer screen and all other electronic gadgets will come and go and be disposed of!
8. Learn to Listen

How hard the art of listening really is, especially with family members. We all tend to be in the fast-lane, frenetically rushing from one activity to the next like a chicken with it’s head cut off. As such we fail to listen attentively when a family member wants to talk to us. I invite all to seek out Harry Chapin’s song Cats in the Cradle. In short, this song woefully mourns the sad fact that Fathers never really connect with their children because they are simply too busy! Son, I will listen to you, but later… Later never becomes a reality; then it is beyond his grasp!

9. Celebration

The famous Catholic author Jean Vanier, who founded a group working most especially with the handicapped, and with forming families with handicapped members, made this discovery: families are called to celebrate!

Birthdays, Anniversaries, Holidays such as Christmas and Easter, and many more—all are festive and exuberant moments of celebration in the context of the family. We should celebrate the other in the family —especially their birthday, Baptism, and saint day! Therefore, if you want to inject a good dose of joy in your family, get in the habit of celebrating! Saint Paul exhorts us in these words: “Rejoice in the Lord always; I say it again: Rejoice in the Lord.” (Phil. 4:4)
10. Marian Consecration

In my retreats, I have often presented an efficacious means to arrive at the very Heart of Jesus. This is done by spending about a month meditating upon the 20 mysteries of the Rosary, with a helpful commentary for each, followed by a meditation on the Seven Sorrows of Mary, each with a commentary. At the end of these days of preparation for consecration, all the members of the family will formally consecrate themselves, individually and as a family, to Jesus through Mary. Our Lady will then be at the very heart of their family. Our Lady will produce abundant fruits in their family: peace, joy, love, happiness, sharing, understanding, patience, purity, meekness, kindness. In a word, by consecration to Jesus through Mary, families will become sanctuaries of true holiness as Jesus commanded: Be holy, as your heavenly Father is holy. (Mt 5:48)

You can lead your family in such a retreat with my guide, Total Consecration Through the Mysteries of the Rosary.

I am convinced that if families truly allow Mary to take root in the center of their lives, she will help their lives be turned from water into wine, and will truly be able to live out the greatest commandment of Jesus: Love one another as I have loved you! (Jn 13:34) I hope and pray that all will take these Ten Vitamins to Vitalize and form vibrant and holy families!

by Fr. Ed Broom, catholicexchange.com August 29, 2017

10 Tips to Have Fun and Yet Not Fall into Bed With Your Boyfriend by Kemi Yetunde

Chastity is a much different topic in today’s world than in those of our ancestors. Back when our grandparents or great-grandparents were dating, showing a little too much shoulder or ankle was considered scandalous, let alone flaunting all that on TV or on stage. It was much more common in those days to save sexual relations for after marriage. This practice of abstinence has gone out of style these days, making it much harder for those who do want to save themselves until after marriage to hold to their standards.

But if chastity until marriage is your goal, you are not pursuing a lost cause. Contrary to how television portrays intimate relationships, it’s not inevitable that you fall into bed with your loved one the moment you have some time alone. Here are some tips for keeping in control of your body and your relationships.

1. Make a commitment to each other

Having a vague idea that you’d like to wait to have sex until after marriage won’t be helpful when the temptation arises. You must voice that commitment, talk about it with your significant other, and see if their goal is the same. If it isn’t, you’ll have a much harder time keeping your side of the bargain.

2. Set boundaries

When you realize which direction your relationship is going, take time to talk with each other about how much physical intimacy you’re comfortable with. Each couple might have different ideas about how much kissing, cuddling, etc. they’d like to do prior to marriage.

3. Avoid alone time

When you’re in a close relationship, it seems like all you want is a little alone time. But solitude is the enemy to chastity. When no one is watching is the exact moment you’re most likely to slip up. So be intentional about where and how you spend your time together.

4. Get support from friends and family

Let your other loved ones know what your goal is and invite them to help you live up to it. Instead of making jokes or egging the two of you on, friends and family members can have a significant role in helping you remember your commitment.

5. Be open with someone

Beyond having support from those around you, it might also help to choose a close friend or sibling and ask them to check up on you. Invite them to question you about your dates and how you spend your time with your significant other and commit to be open with them.

6. Avoid talking in depth about intimacy

Though it’s important to be completely comfortable with your significant other and be open with them on all topics of conversation, physical intimacy is one topic that you can save until after marriage. Of course, you can find out how each of you feel on the subject and what your expectations are, but avoid dwelling on the topic. Otherwise, just talking about it might not be enough.

7. Stay out of the bedroom

If you’re really serious about abstinence, then any time spent in bedrooms together tends to be a bad idea. Standing near a bed can lead to sitting on it, which leads to lying on it, and it’s all downhill from there.

8. Dress modestly

This advice is mainly for women: How you dress has a big impact on the boys around you. Men are very visual and tight fitting, low cut, or short clothing can be a bad idea if you have chastity in mind. Make it easier on both of you by wearing modest clothing (i.e. no cleavage, loose-fitting shirts and pants, longer shorts and skirts).

9. Remind each other of your goals

It helps to realign yourselves sometimes with your goals, especially when you begin to lose sight of why you made them in the first place. Speak frequently of why chastity is important to you, perhaps speaking with others who have made the same commitment, so you can hear why they find it so important as well.

10. Find other ways to show your love

Intimacy is only one facet of a loving relationship and should not be the main basis of one. When remaining chaste seems difficult, think of other fun activities you can do together that will bring you closer together in other ways. Some examples might include playing sports, spending time in the outdoors, going to a gym, inviting friends to a picnic, going bowling, or playing board games with the family.

Chastity before marriage isn’t old-fashioned, as modern media likes to portray it. It’s an important commitment between two responsible individuals who realize that intimacy shouldn’t be treated lightly. And if two individuals are careful and committed, they can enjoy a wonderful relationship based on similar interests and shared respect for one another not only until marriage, but for their whole lives afterwards.

The Chemistry of Sex by Janet Smith

This blurb from Elle, a woman’s fashion magazine, advises that “for years Prozac and the pill have given women emotional stability and sexual freedom, but new research suggests that these drugs can negatively affect everything from our sex drive to our choice of a mate.” This article reports that contraceptives and antidepressants both reduce a woman’s sex drive and also change their perception of males.
Why are women taking these antidepressants? One of the side effects of the pill is depression. So doctors try to combat the effects of the pill by prescribing antidepressants. But antidepressants also reduce a woman’s sex drive. So a woman is taking the contraceptive pill to help her have sex and supposedly be happier, and then taking an antidepressant because she’s taking a pill that causes depression. And she’s not any happier, and she doesn’t even want to have sex.
What they’re also discovering is that when women go off the pill, they’re no longer interested in the man that they’re with. They picked him when they were in a state of pseudo-pregnancy. There was another video featured on NBC10.com called “The Divorce Pill.”. It was reported that women who go off the pill have a higher sex drive than they had when they were on the pill, but they’re no longer interested in the man they are with; they chose him under the influence of the pseudo-pregnancy hormones in their bodies. I suspect there is more to the story than that. I suspect that many of these women are going off the pill because they want to have a baby. When a woman decides to have a baby, she starts looking at guys with a whole different set of eyes. Is this man going to be a good father to my children?
As a matter of fact, don’t be too impressed if someone comes up to you and says they want to have sex with you. That’s a saying that’s not particularly flattering. But if someone comes up to you and says I want you to be the parent of my children, fall over. That’s a marriage proposal. And a marriage proposal is one of the most incredible things that anybody’s ever said to another person. A marriage proposal means I want someone with your eyes, your laugh, the way you walk, and most importantly, your values. I’m going to trust my children to you. A lot of people have sex with people, but they won’t entrust their children to them.
How many people in our culture get married with the view of having a child? How many choose a spouse because that spouse will be a good parent? I tell my students when dating to consider whether the person they are interested in would be a good parent; that person will also make a good spouse, for good parents are generous, responsible, and hardworking, and such are the qualities that make for a good spouse.
One of my former students, who had been a good Catholic, went off to graduate school, became completely infatuated with a young man, and started having sex with him. She realized that she was very confused, and it wasn’t right. She stopped having sex with him but was still crazy about him. It was an incredibly passionate relationship, though not sexual. He was a very lapsed Catholic and, in fact, hated the church. She remained in the relationship for about five or six years. At one point, I said either you have to marry him or you have to break up. She said she was still crazy about him and didn’t think she could imagine finding another man who fascinated her as much as he did. But she said, “I don’t want him to be the father of my children. I want to raise my kids Catholic. He hates the church. I can’t have children with him.” I recommended that she write those words down, look at them, and draw the conclusions she ought to draw. She soon broke up with him, and a few years later, she met and married a wonderful, fascinating man and started a family.

Janet E. Smith, PhD

15 Ways to Find and Marry Mr.Right by Carolin Hart

 

I have dated many guys, and I can tell you it was hard for me to know which one was right for me until I met my boyfriend, Mark. In a short time, we couldn’t see ourselves living without each other. Here are 15 ways I knew that he was the right man for me to marry.

1. He is emotionally available. He is not afraid to tell me how he felt, when he is hurting he even cries in front of me. Best of all he is ready to begin again, to start a new life with me. If he could not do those things, I believe our relationship would have been doomed.

2. What was important to me was important to him. The things I hold dearest to my heart were the things close to his heart too. I wanted to children, he loved children. I loved God and loved going to church, he was willing to come. We shared common core beliefs and values. Connecting on an emotional and spiritual level can be just as powerful as a physical connection.

3. We got along with each other’s friends and family. Though, I don’t love all his friends and family and he doesn’t love all of mine but, I am able to all get along with them. There are no deep-seated issues between me and his friends or him with my friends. It is always a bad sign if his friends are terrible, untrustworthy people. Your friends are a reflection of who you are.

4. He supports me emotionally. No matter how stupid my ideas are, your guy should support you. Even if your dream is to climb Mount Everest, he should provide you with emotional support, just like any good friend of yours would. If he can’t, he’s out.
5. I feel like I can be my true self around him. You cannot marry someone unless you can be yourself — your best, and your worst. If you’re afraid to let him see your flaws, he’s not the guy for you to marry. Sure, in an early relationship, there’s some hesitation, but there should never be actual fear. If there is, it isn’t right.
6. He never keeps score. He’s not stingy with money; when I ask him for money he gives me more than I ask and never wants it back. If your guy when you ask him to borrow you a penny, he will bring up that penny every time you speak, text, or see him after, until it’s paid, or until one of you dies. Or maybe he keeps score emotionally, tallying up every little squabble you’ve had and who was right and who was wrong. This is the wrong person marry. This is a person who is so petty that being with them turns into a chore. Don’t make someone your chore. You have actual chores. I’ve seen the kitchen, you should get on that.
7. He is not negative about everything. I’m a bit of a sarcastic person sometimes, but even I see the wisdom in finding positivity in the world. There is nothing worse than being with someone who is negative all the time about everything. From traffic to your future together, if every damn thing makes him groan and roll his eyes and go off on a tangent about how everything sucks and there’s no point, you are better off alone.
8. He makes me laugh, and also laughs with me, and never at me. If you you’re your boyfriend a joke and he never laugh, then he despises you, he is vicious. Someone who does not laugh with you or find fun in anything you say or do cannot really love you.
9. We brought out the best in each other, not the worst. We encourage each other to grow personally, professionally and emotionally, recognizing that change is positive and healthy.
10. We trust each other and can count on one another to do the right thing. There’s no jealousy or second-guessing in our relationship.
11. He respects my person and I respect him. He sometimes kissed me on the lips for a few seconds only, an affection I appreciated, but which did not stimulate  our sex desire. We never did the “French kiss” (a kiss with the tongue) or prolonged kissing on the lips along with pressing the other against you that some of my friends did with their boyfriends. These led them to have sex outside of marriage leading to selfishness and a focus on self-satisfaction. When sex is involved, break-up and the resulting pain is more intense. When you have not been sexually intimate and decide to break up, the separation is less devastating.
12. Because of his maturity, we did not date for too long. We saw each other for several days at a time at least a couple of times per month, for 3 months when we suddenly discovered our relationship was something exclusive.
13. He was ready to make the commitment moves. I stopped seeing other guys, and he stopped going out with other girls. And soon, we were so close that we really could not see living our lives without the other. Three month later, we engaged and married. We have been happily married now for 8 years now with seven lovely children.
14. Be wary of men who just keep dating and dating. They are tricksters and just wasting your time by making you invest your energies in a relationship that goes no where. I am not saying you should be obsessed with marriage, but you should not be just “dating” after six months. That’s too long to not be committed to a serious phase of your relationship and moving toward engagement and marriage.
15. Lastly, always remember that the key in succeeding in marriage is not just finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found. No matter how right, Mr. Right is, you need to work at loving. Sustaining love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. Love NEVER just happens!. There is no such thing as “finding a lasting love.” You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression – “labor of love.” Through little things, it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes wisdom. You have to know what to do to make your marriage work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Never Forget Your Spouse: The Story of Three Yellow Roses

I walked into the grocery store not particularly interested in buying groceries. I wasn’t hungry. The pain of losing my husband of 37 years was still too raw. And this grocery store held so many sweet memories Rudy often came with me and almost every time he’d pretend to go off and look for something special. I knew what he was up to. I’d always spot him walking down the aisle with the three yellow roses in his hands. Rudy knew I loved yellow roses. With a heart filled with grief, I only wanted to buy my few items and leave, but even grocery shopping was different since Rudy had passed on. Shopping for one took time, a little more thought than it had for two. Standing by the meat, I searched for the perfect small steak and remembered how Rudy had loved his steak. Suddenly a woman came beside me.
She was blond, slim and lovely in a soft green pantsuit. I watched as she picked up a large pack of T-bones, dropped them in her basket, hesitated, and then put them back. She turned to go and once again reached for the pack of steaks. She saw me watching her and she smiled. “My husband loves T-bones, but honestly, at these prices, I don’t know. I swallowed the emotion down my throat and met her pale blue eyes. “My husband passed away eight days ago,” I told her.
Glancing at the package in her hands, I fought to control the tremble in my voice. “Buy him the steaks. And cherish every moment you have together.” She shook her head and I saw the emotion in her eyes as she placed the package in her basket and wheeled away. I turned and pushed my cart across the length of the store to the dairy products. There I stood, trying to decide which size milk I should buy. A quart, I finally decided and moved on to the ice cream section near the front of the store. If nothing else, I could always fix myself an ice cream cone. I placed the ice cream in my cart and looked down the aisle toward the front. I saw first the green suit, then recognized the pretty lady coming towards me. In her arms she carried a package. On her face was the brightest smile I had ever seen. I would swear a soft halo encircled her blond hair as she kept walking toward me, her eyes holding mine. As she came closer, I saw what she held and tears began misting in my eyes. These are for you,” she said and placed three beautiful long stemmed yellow roses in my arms. “When you go through the line, they will know these are paid for.” She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek, then smiled again. I wanted to tell her what she’d done, what the roses meant, but still unable to speak, I watched as she walked away as tears clouded my vision. I looked down at the beautiful roses nestled in the green tissue wrapping and found it almost unreal. How did she know? Suddenly the answer seemed so clear. I wasn’t alone. “Oh, Rudy, you haven’t forgotten me, have you?” I whispered, with tears in my eyes. He was still with me, and she was his angel.