According to an old Cherokee legend, a grandfather once said to his grandson, “My son, there are two wolves fighting inside us all. One is the devil. It is a combination of rage, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is good; it is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth.” After some thought, the boy asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?” The old man replied quietly, “The one you feed.” The story shows that depending on which wolf you feed, you can go from being a good person to a bad person; thus, in order to do good and avoid evil, you must feed the right wolf.
This Cherokee adage applies to the story of Afrocandy, a Nigerian-born porn actress, who recently revealed that she was once a good homely wife. She shared photos of herself from 2001, dressed in traditional Igbo Christian mother attire complete with scarf and wrapper, and revealed that she was a regular churchgoer and parishioner at St. Leos Catholic Church.
So, what exactly happened? How did a Christian mother become a pornstar? How did a well-groomed Nigerian woman become a notorious Afrocandy seductress now poring over the internet in her underwear? Her real name is Judith Chichi Opara Mazagwu. She is an Imo State native, a wife, and a mother of two children, and she has a bachelor’s degree in public administration and a bachelor’s degree in business management.
In 2005, she traveled to the United States to meet her husband, with whom she had two children. Unfortunately, the marriage ended in an explosion of infidelity accusations, leaving her stranded in the United States with two children at the age of 36. Desperate Judith first tried acting and modeling, but lacking the skill or talent to make big money, she devolved into racy porn under the alias Afrocandy, something so out of character and shocking to ordinary Nigerians.
Today, her Afrocandy Production Company is the arrowhead pushing Nigerian pornography into mainstream Nollywood, and while she is currently meeting some resistance in the industry because most actors and actresses still have enough self-respect for themselves and their families to avoid crossing the thin red line between the innocuous nudity already present in Hollywood and outright pornography, she must sense that it is only a matter of time before they cave, and she is optimistic.
Hence, some argue that what caused the unassuming Judith to take such a drastic turn was the pain and betrayal of her broken marriage. In an interview with the Daily Sun published on September 3, 2010, she said she tried to save her marriage, but he wouldn’t take her back:
“There have been a lot of rumors going around about my marriage, and only a few people know the truth. The truth is that I did not leave my husband; rather, he left because of some gossip he heard about something that happened in Nigeria before I joined him in the US.
I begged him, and he returned. When he left the second time, I felt compelled to issue him a restraining order. I really don’t want to go into details because I see that as the past, and I want the past to stay in the past because I’ve moved on; talking about it takes me backward.”
Furthermore, her rumored marriage to an Ibadan millionaire, Chief Kamoru Okiki, did not appear to have materialized in 2011, adding fuel to her downward spiral into the porn abyss. No doubt, all of her setbacks and doubles should be considered when judging this woman; however, with her level of education, she bears significant blame for allowing herself to be manipulated and induced by an excessive ambition and love for glamour. She appears to be someone who is willing to do anything for fame and fortune, including abandoning all decorum and modesty.
As previously stated, everyone has two wolves fighting within them: the wolf of wantonness that we all carry within us, which we must refuse to feed or it will lead us to dark places. Judith, aka Afrocandy, appears to have fed the wrong wolf her entire life, and it has grown into a werewolf devouring that part of her that was once a good homely Nigerian Christian woman full of decorum and good sense. Nonetheless, she should be aware that this wolf will devour her and everything associated with her. Furthermore, given that she was once a Christian and a Catholic, she should remember that pornography has been linked to harming children and young people. The widespread availability of pornographic media has been linked to unwanted pregnancies in young people, as well as the spread of STDs such as HIV/AIDS among single adolescents (Ojo and Fasuuba, 2005). According to Nwankwo, about a third of adolescent pregnancies are terminated due to complications such as bleeding, anemia, and exhaustion (1983). And, as a mother, I am sure she understands the grave responsibility that those who create or market pornographic materials bear.
It is a pity that she has allowed herself to be used as an agent and purveyor of a foreign malicious culture alien to Nigerians in order to pollute and corrupt the minds of young people in a country already plagued by poverty, a lack of clean water, a hospital, and food scarcity. It’s a shame that all she has to offer our youth is a bad example. Longe et al. (2007) argue that. In a country where poverty is on the rise, children who sell their wares to help their families make ends meet are constantly exposed to situations that can jeopardize healthy sexual behaviors.
Unfortunately, the Internet, more than any other agent of social change, has contributed in no small measure to the removal of guilt, fear, and shame associated with unconventional sexual activities, and thus these poor Nigerian children have already been swamped and robbed of their peace of mind and African decency by the foreign crude bestial images emerging from dark taverns or Eastern Europe and sordid porn from America one click away on the internet, which they aspire to. Afrocandy has now deprived them of their last line of defense with her Nigerian porn. However, she should remember that those who throw stones should not live in a glass house. If she succeeds in corrupting our youths for profit, she may not like what she sees when the results come in, and the Holy Book says that it is better to tie a stone around their neck and throw them into the sea than to lead children to sin.
In conclusion, the breakdown of her marriage and being abandoned to fend for herself transformed a once homely Nigerian woman into a porn star, proving that everyone has both good and bad passions and must struggle despite the odds to feed the good side of ourselves. Nothing justifies turning to the dark path of pornography, so she must turn and feed the good things in her life, transforming herself into a force for good.
The sexual revolution that began in the 1960s (3) appears to be reaching an endgame. A Twitter account called @LibsofTickTock recently re-posted videos of American kindergarten teachers talking about grooming kindergarten pupils, indoctrinating them with such concepts as a multiplicity of gender pronouns, and of non-binary genders, etc. According to Tucker Culson, these teachers posted personal videos with content such as:
TEACHER: Hi, my name is — and I’m a preschool teacher. Recently, we started wearing pronoun pins and the kids get to pick a new pronoun pin every day. We have something that picks she/her every single day and we have some that change it up.
TEACHER: So, I’m a non-binary preschool teacher and my kids know I’m non-binary. They know I’m not a girl or a boy. I use they/them pronouns in the classroom. We work on it. Not all kids get it. That’s OK and I go by Mx Gray in the classroom, not Miss or Mister.
These concepts are largely still incomprehensible to many adults, and hence foisting them on minors should rightly be considered an attack on children’s minds. This is not surprising because it follows years of attacks on adult minds by similar ideologies, disguised as pornography which began with the sexual revolution in the 1960s.
At the time, the mainstreaming of pornography warped the traditional meaning of sex as a noble means of unity and procreation between a married man and woman, distorting and perverting it as a means of self-gratification and recreation. This distortion opened the floodgate to every sexual perversion imaginable, same-sex union, and bestiality are but a few examples. As the reasoning goes, if sex is for pleasure and recreation, why limit it to heterosexuals? Why not homosexual or lesbian sex? Why not have sex with animals?
Hence, in the years preceding the sexual revolution, recreational sex is driven by mass consumption of pornography resulting in an epidemic of teenage pregnancy and abortions, and marital infidelity as the Catholic Church predicted. Furthermore, it gave rise to increased objectification of women and precipitated the erosion of marriage as a desirable institution in many countries. (3) As a whole, it has resulted in disrespect loss of dignity and value of human life. (4)
Furthermore, pornography consumption increased tolerance and was a driver for crimes such as sex trafficking, rape, incest, bestiality, and, of course, pedophilia. (1) Recent research reveals that major online porn sites feature videos of people who have been kidnapped and raped. The reason beings the addictive nature of pornography produces an escalating and desensitizing effect. Hence porn watcher needs increasingly more hardcore and deviant porn to get the same high as before.
Jeffry Satinover, a psychologist from the United States, believes that excessive porn consumption leads to the trivialization of sexual crimes, whether against women or children. (2) Child abuse expert, Michael Sheath, expressed concern about the fact that online pornography has become a “gateway to child abuse.” Porn producers were getting more and more people interested in child pornography. Most popular porn sites now have more images and videos of child sex.
Hence, pornography was consumed in large numbers by people privately in the 1960s but was shunned in public spaces. Today, however, porn has taken over public spaces and all forms of entertainment and, as a result, has taken over the grooming of society everywhere and in every medium albeit television, social media, cable games, and even the Disney Cartoon Network(6.
In fact, the grooming of society is now so complete that you cannot pick up a newspaper or magazine without coming across some pornographic images; even in a magazine for electrical engineering, which has pictures of a naked woman on the front cover instead of transistors and integrated circuits, there are pictures of naked women.
After successfully grooming adults for pornography, they are now after children. They are confident that their strategy will work as it worked in the past because society consists of a silent majority of decent people who do not want any trouble and are content to live a quiet life and hence cannot stop evil, even if they saw it. Their strategy worked because even though there are laws prohibiting obscenities, society doesn’t enforce them. For instance, the US Department of Justice has not enforced the Federal Obscenity Laws Regulating the Production and Distribution of Pornography laws as well as the Federal Obscenity laws regarding minors, which have been in existence since 1873 and in 2011, the Obama administration scrapped it all together; hence, the escalation of porn production. (1)
The groomers are very persistent and never give up. They call their goal “social progress” to make it seem like it’s a good thing, they claim that early grooming is vital to prevent the children from becoming homophobic adults. They know that most people in society will not fight back. They started by making pornography more mainstream. Then they made homosexuality, transgender, and LGBTI more mainstream, and now they’re going to make pedophilia more mainstream, with their main goal being kids in kindergarten.
Sheath says that pornography has caused a cultural shift. Before the year 2000, men who looked at child porn had mental illnesses and violent pasts and were often victims of abuse. After the year 2000, normal men who didn’t have a violent past or had a difficult childhood were now fans of online child porn. This means that these “porn-made pedophiles,” as Sheath calls them, grew up watching more and more depraved porn until they became pedophiles, which corroborates tons of research data confirming that porn changes the mind. (2)
Furthermore, Sheath argues that there is an undeniable link between easy access to deviant pornography and an interest in child molestation; the unambiguous link between strangulation- porn and sexual violence against women; and there are strong correlations between the erosion of protective taboos around incest and the prevalence of incestuous porn. (2)
In conclusion, these porn-made pedophiles are now coming after children in kindergarten. This is the end-game of porn-grooming that began in the 60s with the sexual revolution; they have infiltrated the very source, a game that would end with the warping of millions of young minds.
They came in 2006 selling the story
of a talent hunt but sold Nigerians a Trojan horse.
BBNnaija 2019 audition venue was
like a scene from world war Z. Crowds of indigent youths thronged the venue
pleading and wailing, crushed against iron railings, some broke their legs, and
all were desperate to get in. They clawed their way coveting the $100k prize
money, a ticket out of poverty worth dying for. Yet the big brother show is a
rip off.
The show is about 12 contestants
living in an isolated house for 90 days, competing for a winner takes-it-all
star prize by avoiding eviction. To please viewer to vote “stay” they must shed
all dignity, self-respect and modesty, even engaging in explicit sex while the
camera rolls.
Sex sells
With big colored eye on profit, the
producers encourage sexual experimentation among the housemates on every episode,
often plying them alcohol to loosen things up, and supplying cartons of condoms.
BBNaija portrays sex as casual and consequence-free to minors who watch these episodes.
“Just as we read specific books and
show educational movies to our children in hopes that they learn lessons from
the characters, teens are more likely to have sex after being exposed to sexual
content in the media,” says Dr. Carolyn Ross on Psychology
Today
Parents who allow their teens to
watch BBNaija shouldn’t be surprised if they begin having sex, and perhaps even
high-risk sex and catching sexually transmitted diseases and becoming pregnant.
They may even become sex addicts.
Early exposure to pornography (or explicit sexual content on television), says Dr. Ross, is a risk factor for sex addictions and other intimacy disorders. In one study of 932 sex addicts, 90 percent of men and 77 percent of women reported that pornography was a factor in their addiction.
In 2018, having interviewed Christians
and Muslims, the Nigerian
Vanguard wrote a good piece of the harmful effect of the show, denouncing
it’s deviation to open immorality. Yet, the show goes on, and so many poor
young people across the nation besieged the audition venues seeking last month,
while families’ lap up episode after episode.
Follow the money.
The money comes from the
evictions. Every week when different
housemate are placed on eviction, and the public use their money to vote them
back in. The votes come in millions. During
one of recent BBNaija finale, it was reported that 170 Million votes were cast
via text messages that cost N30. If you do the math, that is approximately $14M
earned by the organizers.
Gifty Brian Ajumobi ex-house mate
Since it is winner take all, all but the one winner gets paid while others walk away, broken, sold and scared and some never manage to pick up the broken pieces. (There are many unwed mothers’ among the ex-housemates.) Many of the used young ladies can’t find husbands, some like ex-house mate, Gift Brian Ajumobi, has multiple sex partners and children out of wedlock and is presently embroiled in paternity suites.
All in the name of entertainment
Whatever happened to the Nigerian
family sense of modesty so admired by the world a few years ago? Now we pay to
watch our youths feed, play and copulate. How diabolically naive we have
become. Are we waiting for same-sex fornications and bestiality to add to the fun?
Parents and families should wake up
and throw out this Trojan horse in their midst. A society willing to compromise
its value and honor is a society without value and honor.
It’s unfortunate that Atiku Abubaker who
recently lost the presidential election, in a bid to garner popularity among
the young, tweeted a congratulatory message to last year’s BBNaija winner.
Educators, writers, politicians and
legislators must keep in mind that a great part of social and even personal
problems has its roots in the failure or the collapse of family life. To fight
against juvenile delinquency or against the prostitution of women and at the
same time to favor the discrediting or deterioration of the institution of the
family is both senseless and contradictory.
In spite of the obvious and genuine
harm done by this show, we see no protests, families carrying placard and politicians
debating on how to proscribe the show or prosecute their promoters, rather
viewing statistics are spiking and more and more young people turn up each year
for auditions.
It must be understood that the role
of parents and families in social and political life cannot be merely passive.
They themselves must be ‘the first to take steps to see that the laws and
institutions of the State, films and reality TV’s do not offend, but
support and positively enhance family life and welfare of minors
Nigerians should reject this show, looking for disruptive ways to ensure that those who insist on promoting this heist stop making money. They should also besiege the news media with the reports of the negative influences on children, calling out the promoters and exposing their true agenda.
On the other hand, families should
support and promote family friendly TV shows that teach skills, virtues and
discipline to children.
My Husband’s a Porn addict: How Can I compete With Her?
I’ll never forget the first time I walked in on my husband looking at Internet
pornography. Immediately my heart sank, and I remember this sick feeling.
over me. The thought that began to plague my mind instantly was, “How will I ever
be able to compete with her?”
If I think about that day, I can remember exactly what the woman looked like. How
she was posing and what her facial expression was. I would tell you what she was
wearing but that’s just it… she wasn’t wearing anything. She was very well endowed
and made me look like I was just about to get my first training bra. Her long,
gorgeous, blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders but not enough to cover up
anything.
I knew my husband, Chris, struggled with lust because we’d been married for five
years. His admissions seemed to be vulnerable and honest but I’d later find it
just a smokescreen. I didn’t realize how hard it would hit me to walk in on him in the
middle of him, fulfilling his lustful moment. I guess I was okay with his sin being “out
of sight, out of mind.”
Chris’ introduction to pornography came when he was merely eight years old. He
didn’t ask for his sin to begin at that age, but it did. And for a growing, curious
boy, the desire to see more only grew throughout the rest of his childhood and
adolescence. The hunger could be satiated by an occasional look at a National
If you weren’t picky about the kind of naked women you’d see,. His
His newfound addiction didn’t totally bombard his life as a youngster simply because
to obtain such racy material, you had to know someone who could buy a
Playboy or a penthouse from the local convenience store.
The date is indelibly written in my mind. I will never forget what I was doing when
Chris walked in the door that Tuesday morning. We’d been in our new home in
a new town for less than a week when he dropped the biggest bomb on me. After
After asking me to join him on the sofa, he proceeded to tell me that he’d been unfaithful
to me many times with many different women over a period of about two-and-a-half
years. In the midst of my immediate reeling, devastation, and line of questioning, he
admitted that he was a full-blown porn addict.
In the early days, looking at pictures of naked women was enough to satisfy his
craving. But, over time, looking at pictures turned into watching videos, which
eventually turned into chatting with women who were just as messed up as he was.
And before long, the unthinkable occurred: His online fantasy became a reality with
a woman.
As he shared with me how this once-small addiction spiraled out of control,
I learned that these horrendous actions weren’t because he didn’t love me but
because he was unable—or unwilling—to get free from his addiction. It sure didn’t
feel like he loved me but eventually, I realized that the bondage that took over his life
was more than he could handle. So he acted out. .continue reading
Olympian Nick Willis says he has no regrets over breaking his silence about his pornography addiction.
Willis took to Facebook today to react to the publicity around his revelation, which he posted on his page several days ago.
“I guess I never realised how much interest the media would have in my Facebook post but I want to affirm that breaking the silence is worth it if even only one person succeeds in winning his/her battle,” he said.
Friends and family commented, commending him on his admission.
One person wrote; “Good on you… takes a lot of courage. Doesn’t change my view on you. Go hard and keep chasing your dreams”.
Another person wrote; “Very brave and I’m sure it will make an impact in more than one life”.
Family First director and anti-pornography advocate Bob McCoskrie said people who admit and talk about a harmful addiction could actually help others who may be going through a similar struggle.
“They’re actually bringing a reality check to what pornography is really about and I think that as a society, we’re starting to go down that track finally.”
Mr McCoskrie said it’s very brave of a sports star to admit to a porn addiction and he commended Mr Willis for speaking out.
“His relationships and his family will be better for the fact he’s fronted up to the problem and wants to see it solved.”
Willis says the strength of his wife helped him beat the addiction threatening their relationship and his ability to be a father.
In an exclusive interview with the Herald on Sunday, the champion 32-year-old middle distance runner opened up on his obsession with pornography and his shame in dealing with it.
Talking last night, the Rio Olympics-bound runner credited his wife of eight years, Sierra, for beating his dependence.
“Sierra showed a great amount of grace with me,” Willis said.
“We decided to beat it together. We talked openly about the issues of sex trafficking, abuse of women, objectification of women and accessibility of pornography for young people on cell phones.
“Getting this topic out of my secret life into the open, and talking, talking, talking has been the biggest impact in breaking the cycle.”
Willis, a medallist at both Olympic and Commonwealth Games, lives in Michigan with Sierra and their 2-year-old son, Lachlan.
A proud Christian, he recalled the pain coming clean about his addiction had on his loving wife.
“The hurt she felt was something I never wanted to make her experience again,” he said.
“Before I focused on how my addiction affected me, but it wasn’t until I realised the effect it had on others, especially my wife that I committed to change.”
Willis has been porn-free for two-and-a-half years.
This week he marked the milestone by posting on Facebook that his addiction to pornography, which had started as a teen, had been a “rollercoaster ride of shame and justification”.
He told the Herald on Sunday, his addiction began when he was a young, lonely teenager trying to figure out his place in the world.
“I was exposed to magazines and videos at a young age and the objectification of the women on these media forms became an outlet for me to gain some form of intimacy that I severely lacked.”
It took him years to figure out that what he was regarded as “sexy and appealing” was a false reality.
“My understanding of how to form real relationships with the opposite sex became hijacked.”
In fact it wasn’t until Willis was in his early twenties that it dawned on him his attraction to pornography was an addiction.
“I felt convicted about its harmful effects on women, on men and on marriages,” he said.
“Despite my convictions, I kept falling back to my secret life every couple of weeks or months.
“I was counting the days and weeks of how long it had been, so it became clear to me that it was not something I could easily shrug off.”
Now two and a half years on from breaking the cycle, Willis said he felt “amazing”. Referencing the article “What it means to be pro-sex and anti-porn” he shared on Facebook, he took pains to make a distinction between porn and acts of love.
“Porn makes you think you are having sexual needs met. But really, they are hollow and leave you feeling empty and lonelier than before.
“Basically, pornography is a very unnatural (and very temporary) solution that people use to satisfy a natural desire.
“Pornography will not and cannot love you back.”
Getting this topic out of my secret life out into the open, and talking, talking, talking has been the biggest impact in breaking the cycle.”
Willis and his wife decided it was time to make a public stance on the growing problem of easily accessible pornography in our society.
“Sharing a small personal testimony of my journey with pornography was important to give my public stance authenticity and let others know it’s possible to go without.”
Director of the University of Otago’s National Addiction Centre, Professor Doug Sellman, said there was an impression in his field that porn addiction was on the rise due to easily accessed electronic porn.
Sellman said the key to an addict’s recovery was learning new ways of behaving.
“The old patterns will always be there, but the more a person practices the new behaviour it will trump the old addictive responses.
“However, new accountabilities to other people in the person’s life can be very motivating.”
Willis’ decision to go public with his personal experiences was one way of helping him put an end to his addiction, the top athlete said.
He said prior to speaking out he’d spent sleepless nights wrestling with images he couldn’t get out of his head.
“I sleep so well now. The freedom I experience now allows me to walk tall.”
He urged others in the same position to do the same.
“Don’t believe the lie that this is a natural and fine thing for men to participate in. It will affect everything in your life, especially your ability to experience true intimacy.
“Bring your secret life out into the open … say never again and walk away.”
He has now learned pornography is not healthy.
“My eyes have now become truly open to the lies of pornography, that it is a completely fake distortion of sex and women. It is not sexy nor appealing. I am no longer duped by a false reality.”
Jenni, thank you so much for allowing me to interview you.
You’re very welcome, anything I can do to help, it’s my pleasure.
How long have you been out of the porn industry now?
I officially left the entire sex industry about 3 years ago after coming to Christ and finding Shelley Lubben and the Pink Cross Foundation but I stopped actively doing porn in my late 20’s when I got married and had my son. I didn’t spend too much time doing porn but I used my porn title to sell myself more in other areas and it worked. I used my porn experience to promote myself as a dancer, a prostitute, etc.
Yes, because when you are in the porn industry, the clubs will promote you as a “feature dancer,” and you can get more money that way.
Exactly!! I was only 20 when I moved to Hollywood to get into mainstream porn.
How old were you when you first started in the porn industry, and how long were you in for?
I was very young only barely 18 years old when I started doing porn and I would say I did it off and on for about 10 years. I really didn’t know how to take care of myself and it seemed to be an easy way to survive. I would say that I was in the sex industry for about 15 years. They love to prey on young girls who need money. They are very easy to take advantage of.
Approximately how many movies did you make?
I probably made about 20 movies not very many at all.
Would you mind describing how you got into porn? I know that no porn performer wakes up one day and randomly decides to get into porn. There is always something leading up to it. Can you just lay out for us the events leading up to your decision to enter the porn industry?
I started out by doing other things first like dancing in a nude bar, doing bachelor parties, and escorting. I needed the money and hadn’t finished school, and was living on my own at that point. I started living that sex industry lifestyle so eventually someone suggested that I do porn and it sounded like it paid really well and it was legal so I decided to contact a local agent who got me started. The agent got me a scene in a cheap hotel in Denver and that’s how it all started. I had no idea what I was getting myself into at the time.
What do you remember the most about that first experience? Was it very traumatic for you?
That first experience was odd. I was bothered by the fact that my agent used forged documents that showed I had been tested for HIV and other STDs. I had never been tested. I also remember the porn star I was supposed to work with that day was there but she couldn’t do anything because of her health. Her insides were so damaged from porn. I thought it was going to be me and a woman – less threatening right? But these 2 guys joined in and I didn’t think they were going to do that I was supposed to act like it was NOT my first film ever but I think they could tell I was new. There were lots of red flags in the beginning.
What about your childhood? I know a lot of girls in the industry have backgrounds of sexual abuse, rape, neglect, or some sort of trauma. Do you think any of the events in your childhood made you more susceptible to the idea of getting into porn?
I definitely think my childhood played a big part in me getting into porn, etc. My dad was never around much and my parents divorced when I was about 8. At 14 I ran away from home and eventually became a ward of the state and remained in and out of foster homes, group homes, institutions, and other places until I was 17. I ran away alot and spent time on the streets where it was easy for me to get into trouble and my life was never stable after that. I was also exposed to porn at a very young age and saw porn magazines many times as a child. I think alot of things things from my childhood set me up for a nice, long career in the sex industry.
You mention your dad not being around. I know that’s the case for most porn actresses. I know it was for me. What would you say your emotional state was like during your porn career?
It’s actually hard to remember a lot of what happened since I have blocked most of it out. I think emotionally I was basically “not there” and I numbed myself with pot and alcohol and other things so I didn’t have to deal with my raw feelings. I found myself depressed and lonely quite a bit and my behavior was erratic and very self-destructive. I look back now and see there was alot of anger and bitterness there as well. I was a real mess.
For a lot of us, drugs was a huge part of how we coped with being in that lifestyle. How did you cope mentally and emotionally with being in the porn industry?
I think it was all about numbing myself and finding any way to escape or “check out”. My drug of choice was mostly pot for many years but I got to be a pretty big drinker when I turned 21 while working in a topless bar. I also realized later on that sex was a drug for me as well and slept around alot even when I wasn’t working. The marijuana mixed with liquor and sex were a bad combination and left me feeling more empty, lonely and depressed afterwords. As a woman in that lifestyle, you find you never have to pay for drugs or alcohol etc. because someone was always there to provide those things for me. One thing I remember was trying to separate the real me from the porn star me. I became two people and turned it on and off when needed. My other personality “Veronica” was just a fake front to cover up and to protect the real me so I could get my job done. Veronica was very social and outgoing and bold, The real me, Jenni, not so much haha.
Jenni, a lot of people who watch porn believe that the women love what they are doing, and are simply acting out their fantasies. Is this REALLY the truth?
This is NOT the truth about porn, it is a lie. The women living that lie do not love it and if they say they love it, it’s a way they lie to themselves to make it seem better. When I did porn, I wanted it to be over as quickly as possible and it was all about the money for me. I thought I did what I had to do to survive at the moment. My fantasies usually consisted of living a normal life, I fantasized about what life would be like if I wasn’t stuck in that nightmare. When you watch porn, you are watching a lie that is made to destroy you.
Amen to that!!! When you were in porn, what was your opinion of the guys who watched porn – or even men in general?
I grew to hate men in general and had no respect for men who watched porn. I thought men were perverts and just wanted one thing from women period and they treated women horribly. I think of men differently now. I see them as victims of the porn industry as well. I know that men want what women want too, not sex but love. We all want love. We all have a void to fill but some people try to do that with porn. Some men pay a price for porn addiction by losing their families and jobs. It is so sad and tragic to me that porn destroys the people who make it and also the people to view it. That is clear to me now.
Ya, but when you are in the porn industry, you don’t really see it that way, do you? You basically don’t care about yourself or anyone else.
Totally. You don’t have any respect for yourself or the person you’re with. It’s all about money, and getting what you can from the other person. It’s all about survival. You go into the industry not caring about yourself, and the longer you stay in, the less you care about yourself.
I know I actually hated myself by the time I left. What was the breaking point for you? When did you decide that you finally had to break free from all of that?
It was not just one thing really that made me quit. Many things happened at once and I became severely broken. I was in and out of the sex industry for many years. I tried to get out many times before but I would always need the money and I didn’t know what else to do so I would go back to it. I finally hit bottom a few years ago. I lost everything and things were not going well anymore. I had enough of selling my body and soul and couldn’t take any of it anymore. I just gave up and didn’t know how I would survive, but I had no soul left to sell period. I was dead inside there was only one way to go and that was up. This was the lowest point in my life. I had a son at this point and wasn’t going to let it ruin his life as well. If I had not been a mother, I may be dead. I think part of my motivation was wanting to be a good mother to him.
So, by this time, you pretty much determined to leave because you couldn’t take it anymore, but were there any fears?
It was very hard at first but it felt really good to just finally let go and be free from all of it. My only fear was being able to survive without the money. The money kept me hooked. I was worried how I could take care of myself and my child. But I decided I would rather be homeless than ever sell my self again. Once you let go of the money, it’s much easier to get out.
We both know that a lot of girls in the industry suffer from mental illness. I know that I myself suffered from serious depression, even after leaving the industry. How would you say your mental condition was upon leaving the porn industry?
I know now that after years of living that life, I was traumatized by it. It was like enduring many years of oppression and abuse of all kinds. When I left and got rid of the drugs, etc., my emotions were raw for the first time in years. Over the years, I suffered from depression and anxiety among many other problems and had to have counseling and take medication. Anyone who enters into that and already has mental illness, it will only make it worse.
What about physical problems?
Over the years, I mostly had to deal with STDs. I had so many different infections all of the time. I left Hollywood because I became so ill from Chlamydia. My abdomen hurt so much that I had to come back home. My insides had been so abused, that at one point, a doctor at Planned Parenthood brought a group of interns in to look at my damaged cervix! I knew that “business” was taking a toll on my body and it also ages you quickly.
How did you personally recover from your time in porn? Was it extremely difficult?
I feel like the only way I could recover from that is with God in my life. God gives me hope that I didn’t have before. The past few years have been hard but so worth it. Things that helped me have been constant support from others, prayer, God’s word, and lots of love. The most difficult things have been trying to break old habits and trying to have a “real job”. It’s all about learning to live a new way, a better way. I think my recovery is an ongoing thing and it takes alot of time. I was in for many years and there was alot of damage done. I know alot more about porn now than I ever did when I was doing it.
Do you feel that Christ had a significant part in your recovery?
I know Jesus was the only way I could get out and stay out for good! For once, I had hope. Jesus saved my life. His love is amazing and I had never experienced love like that before. It was so intense that it hurt sometimes. My mind is being renewed daily by Him. All of the lies that ruled my life are being replaced with the truth, God’s word. I had realized that God was my father and would take care of me. He started to fix things in me that were broken. I become stronger in my faith every day. I don’t think He is done yet. he is still working on me. I think I am a better mother now because of all of this too. I would not have done any of this if were not for my little boy. I want him to know the truth about porn and treat women with respect.
What about recovery? Do you feel like the hardest part is over, or do you still have a lot of healing to do?
I do think the hardest part is over but I still have healing to do and it will probably take the rest of my life. I have learned how to live a new way and I have been learning how God works. One of the most healing things for me is to help others affected by porn. Reaching out to others helps me heal. God’s love fills that void now. I told myself when I was trapped in porn, that if I ever got out (which I thought I never would) that I would try to help women out of that world. There was no help for women like me. I am passionate about it.
So, what do you see for yourself in the future? I know that you volunteer with the Pink Cross Foundation and reach out to other girls. Do you see yourself continuing down that path?
I definitely think that’s where God wants me, going back into that nightmare to help save people from it. When I see some of those girls, I see me at 18. There was no such thing as The Pink Cross when I did porn. I know that porn is a major problem and it seems not much is being done about it. I love The Pink Cross Foundation and will continue to work with them. There is a certain way to handle the porn issue and educating and informing everyone makes a difference. I also plan on moving from Colorado to California to help with the cause.
That is awesome, Jenni. If you could say one thing to the men who are reading this right now, what would that be?
Men, GOD LOVES YOU! I love you too and I will always pray for all of you, for the chains to be broken. You are a porn slave much as much any porn star. If you are viewing porn or addicted to porn, you are trying to fill a void inside of you that only God can fill. Whenever you look at porn, you are making the void bigger, and you will destroy your life. It evil it is a drug and it is poison and a lie. If you think you can keep it in the dark, God will bring it out into the light to stop you and heal you. These women are precious and deserve to be loved just as much as you do. There is a real person on the other side of the images you are seeing, and you are destroying her life and the lives of her children. Every porno has somebody’s daughter in it. What if it were your little girl? You may actually be assisting in someone’s death! Male and female porn actors die all of the time from AIDS, drug overdoses, suicides, etc. Please stop looking at porn.
[Editor’s note:] If you need help to beat pornography addiction, please read: The Porn Circuit. click https://learn.covenanteyes.com/porn-circuit/ You will learn how to overcome with its assistance.
A new study reveals women are struggling with graphic sexual immorality in droves. “It was an ordinary weekday morning when Caroline first noticed how much pornography was taking over her life. With 15 minutes to go before she was due to leave for a job interview, she opened up her laptop to print off an extra copy of her CV, and there, onscreen, was a grab she’d saved from [a porn site].
“’I remember the feeling of being sucked in, really wanting that two-minute fix, that numbness I got when I used porn,’ says Caroline. ‘I was stressed out, and I risked being late for my interview, but I pressed play anyway and fast-forwarded it to the bit I wanted. It took two minutes. Afterward, I just hated myself for giving in and getting off on images that treated women like pieces of meat. But I kept going back.’”
Those are the opening paragraphs of a story from The Guardian called “Why More and More Women Are Using Pornography.” Revelations of female porn addiction are an eye-opening issue. Most people assume the problem is exclusive to testosterone-driven men. But a new study reveals that women are struggling with graphic sexual immorality in droves.,,
But get this: Online porn viewership has quadrupled for women in just three years. A 2010 Pew report shows only 2 percent of women admitted to watching online porn. And again, it’s likely that the true numbers are even greater.
And that’s not the worst of it. CovenantEyes has gathered shocking statistics from various studies. Here are a few of them:
According to a study published in the Journal of Adolescent Research, about half (49 percent) of young adult women agree that viewing pornography is an acceptable way of expressing one’s sexuality. Exposures to porn during childhood are not just brief glimpses. Some teen girls are viewing online pornography for a half-hour or more at a time, and 1 in 7 have done this on multiple occasions. Of the women in the Dirty Girls community, 87 percent say they feel or have felt “out of control” when it comes to the matter of masturbation; 70 percent say the same about sexual fantasies, according to Dirty Girls Ministries. Of the women in the Dirty Girls community, 45 percent said they started “habitually and compulsively” watching pornography or engaging in cybersex when they were 13–17 years old. Of the women in the Dirty Girls community, 27 percent say they feel or have felt “out of control” when it comes to sexually chatting online; 11 percent say the same thing about sexting.
But there is hope. Although much attention is focused on helping men break free from pornography addictions, ministries are rising up to help women find deliverance from this bondage. Beggar’s Daughter,Bethesda Workshops, and Dirty Girls Ministries, among others, are offering God’s grace to women trapped in sexual sin. If you or a woman you know is addicted to pornography, I urge you to seek help. Jesus is your deliverer, and He won’t leave you trapped in Jezebel’s clutches. Jennifer LeClaire is the news editor at Charisma.
This is a rather frank post on porn, so proceed, or not, with that in mind.
Porn is a problem. It’s a personal problem for many and a cultural problem for all. You may think you have not been affected by porn, but you have because it’s embedded in the surrounding culture. The staggering size of the pornography industry, its influence on the media, and the acceleration of technology, paired with the accessibility, anonymity, and affordability of porn, all contribute to its increasing impact on culture.
Pornography affects you whether you’ve ever viewed it or not, and it is helpful to understand some of its negative effects, whether you are a man or woman, struggling with watching it, or simply a mom or dad with a son or daughter. There is a plethora of research on the detrimental effects of pornography (and I do not think that what follows are necessarily the worst of them), but here are seven negative effects of porn upon men and women:
1. PORN CONTRIBUTES TO SOCIAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS WITHIN MEN
Anti-pornography activist, Gail Dines, notes that young men who become addicted to porn, “neglect their schoolwork, spend huge amounts of money they don’t have, become isolated from others, and often suffer depression.” (Pornland, 93). Dr. William Struthers, who has a PhD in biopsychology from the University of Illinois at Chicago, confirms some of these and adds more, finding that men who use porn become controlling, highly introverted, have high anxiety, narcissistic, curious, have low self-esteem, depressed, dissociative, distractible (Wired for Intimacy, 64-65). Ironically, while viewing porn creates momentary intensely pleasurable experiences, it ends up leading to several negative lingering psychological experiences.
2. PORN REWIRES THE MALE BRAIN
Struthers elaborates,
As men fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on pornographic images, exposure to them creates neural pathways. Like a path is created in the woods with each successive hiker, so do the neural paths set the course for the next time an erotic image is viewed. Over time, these neural paths become wider as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. They become the automatic pathway through which interactions with women are routed….They have unknowingly created a neurological circuit that imprisons their ability to see women rightly as created in God’s image (Wired For Intimacy, 85). In a similar vein regarding porn’s effect on the brain, Naomi Wolf writes in her article, “The Porn Myth,”
After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife—a kiss, a scent, a body—that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever more transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it.
3. PORN TURNS SEX INTO MASTURBATION
Sex becomes self-serving. It becomes about your pleasure and not the self-giving, mutually reciprocating intimacy that it was designed for.
4. PORN DEMEANS AND OBJECTIFIES WOMEN
This occurs from hard-core to soft-core pornography. Pamela Paul, in her book Pornified, quoting the research of one psychologist who has researched pornography at Texas A&M, writes,
‘Softcore pornography has a very negative effect on men as well. The problem with softcore pornography is that it’s voyeurism that teaches men to view women as objects rather than to be in relationships with women as human beings.’ According to Brooks, pornography gives men the false impression that sex and pleasure are entirely divorced from relationships. In other words, pornography is inherently self-centered—something a man does by himself, for himself—by using other women as a means to pleasure and yet another product to consume (80). Paul references one experiment that revealed a rather shocking further effect of porn: “Men and women who were exposed to large amounts of pornography were significantly less likely to want daughters than those who had none. Who would want their own little girl to be treated that way?” (80).
It becomes about your pleasure and not the self-giving, mutually reciprocating intimacy that it was designed for. Again, it needs to be emphasized that this is not an effect that only rests upon those who have viewed porn. The massive consumption of porn and the size of the porn industry have hypersexualized the entire culture. Men and women are born into a pornified culture, and women are the biggest losers. Dines continues,
By inundating girls and women with the message that their most worthy attribute is their sexual hotness and crowding out other messages, pop culture is grooming them just like an individual perpetrator would. It is slowly chipping away at their self-esteem, stripping them of a sense of themselves as whole human beings, and providing them with an identity that emphasizes sex and de-emphasizes every other human attribute (Pornland, 118).
5. PORN SQUASHES THE BEAUTY OF A REAL NAKED WOMAN
Wolf, in her own blunt way, confirms this,
For most of human history, the erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women. For the first time in history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn (Quoted in Wired for Intimacy, 38).
6. PORN HAS A NUMBING EFFECT UPON REALITY
It makes real sex and even the real world boring in comparison. It particularly anesthetizes the emotional life of a man. Paul comments,
Pornography leaves men desensitized to both outrage and excitement, leading to an overall diminishment of feeling and eventually to dissatisfaction with the emotional tugs of everyday life…Eventually, they are left with a confusing mix of supersized expectations about sex and numbed emotions about women. When a man gets bored with pornography, both his fantasy and real worlds become imbued with indifference. The real world often gets really boring. (Pornified, 90, 91).
7. PORN LIES ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE MALE AND FEMALE
Dines records how porn tells a false story about men and women. In the story of porn, women are “one-dimensional”–they never say no, never get pregnant, and can’t wait to have sex with any man and please them in whatever way imaginable (or even unimaginable). On the other hand, the story porn tells about men is that they are “soulless, unfeeling, amoral life-support systems for erect penises who are entitled to use women in any way they want. These men demonstrated zero empathy, respect, or love for the women they have sex with…(Pornland, xxiv).”
From http://theresurgence.co
8. EFFECTS OF PORNOGRAPHY ON THE BRAIN
The pornified brain sounds a lot like Mick Jagger; it can’t get no satisfaction. On the surface it sounds absurd. Pornography offers endless opportunities for arousal. If a human masturbates to a wider range of images or videos, shouldn’t that satiate? The simple answer is no.
Dr. Norm Doidge explains that porn is more exciting than satisfying because we have two separate pleasure systems in our brains: one for exciting pleasure and another for satisfying pleasure.
The exciting system, fueled by dopamine and anticipation, is all about appetite, such as imagining your favorite meal or a sexual episode.
The satisfying system involves actually having the meal or having sex, which provides a calming, fulfilling pleasure. This system releases opiate-like endorphins that provide feelings of peace and euphoria.
Pornography, Doidge writes, hyperactivates the appetite system. But the satisfying system is left starving for the real thing, which includes actual touching, kissing, caressing, and a connection not only with the body but also the mind and soul. The satisfying system releases oxytocin, endorphins, and bellows; in the words of Marvin Gaye, “Ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby.”
The porn-saturated brain is fixated on sex, Dr. William Struthers explains, but real sex is intended for intimacy. The pornified brain is ready for multiple partners, images, and sexual possibilities, but it is intended for a narrow focus of exclusive sharing. Porn’s neurological superhighway is built for speed, but satisfying sex is designed for the slow and evolving discovery and appreciation of a loving partner. Porn provides a few off-ramps (masturbation) that offer fleeting escapes that hasten the need for more. Meanwhile, a committed couple can have long and satisfying encounters with many off-ramps for creative expressions of intimacy that are not genitally oriented.
Doidge writes:
Pornographers promise healthy pleasure and relief from sexual tension, but what they often deliver is an addiction, tolerance, and an eventual decrease in pleasure. Paradoxically, the male patients I worked with often craved pornography but didn’t like it.
9. HOW PORN HURTS MARITAL SEX
Pornographers want people to believe that viewing porn is harmless entertainment and that it can even spice up one’s love life, but the opposite is true. Rather than encouraging intimacy, research shows that porn steals it away.
Porn encourages selfishness rather than an exchange of intimacy. Especially among men, who are more visually stimulated than women, porn teaches that women are objects for their lust. Women are just body parts, used for personal gratification.
Pornography trains men to be consumers, to treat sex as a commodity, to think about sex as something on-tap and made-to-order. As Dr. Mary Anne Layden writes, “It is toxic miseducation about sex and relationships.”6
In Dr. Gary Brooks’ book, The Centerfold Syndrome, he explains that because the women in porn are only glossy magazine pictures or pixels on the screen, they have no sexual or relational expectations of their own. This trains men to desire the cheap thrill of fantasy over a committed relationship that requires them to connect to another human being. Pornography essentially trains men to be digital voyeurs: looking at women rather than seeking genuine intimacy.
According to a study published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology, after only a few prolonged exposures to pornographic videos, men and women alike reported less sexual satisfaction with their intimate partners, including their partners’ affection, physical appearance, and sexual performance.
Another study that appeared in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found similar results. When men and women were exposed to pictures of female centerfold models from Playboy and Penthouse, this significantly lowered their judgments about the attractiveness of “average” people.
Dr. Victor Cline’s research has shown that sexual arousal and excitement diminish with repeated exposure to sexual scenes, leading people to seek out greater variety and novelty in the pornography they view.
French neuroscientist Serge Stoleru reports on how overexposure to erotic stimuli actually exhausts the sexual responses of healthy young men.
Dr. Dolf Zillmann reports when young people are repeatedly exposed to pornography, it can have a long-lasting impact on their beliefs and behaviors. Frequently, men who habitually view pornography develop cynical attitudes about love and the need for affection between partners. They begin to view the institution of marriage as sexually confining. Often, men develop a “tolerance” for sexually explicit material, leading them to seek out more novel or bizarre material to achieve the same level of arousal.
Dr. Judith Reisman summarizes it well: Pornography causes impotence — an inability to function with your own sexual power. “If he has to imagine a picture, if he has to imagine a scene, to actually reach the heights of completion with this person, then he’s no longer with his own power, is he? He has been stripped. He has been hijacked. He has been emasculated. He has, in effect, been castrated visually.”
10. PORN CAUSES ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION
If the concerns above were not enough, many men become so habituated to pornography that they experience erectile dysfunction when they are with their spouse. Rather than performing better, as pornography promises, many men find that they can only achieve consistent and sustained erections with porn.
Drs. Marnia Robinson and Gary Wilson explained in Psychology Today that overstimulation with pornography creates changes in the brain that make a man less responsive to the physical pleasure of a real woman and hyper-responsive to Internet porn. Men become sensitized to Internet porn, but desensitized to sex in general, which requires more and more stimulation to achieve arousal. When preparing for real sex, the pornified brain fails to get its dopamine surge and the signal to the penis is too weak to achieve erection. But turn on an Internet device with unlimited pages of novelty, and boom, the plumbing works.
Fast-growing online communities of people who call themselves “Fapstronauts” complain that porn is the root of their problems with ED and premature ejaculation. “Fapping,” slang for masturbating on Internet porn, is causing these people so much trouble that they banded together for support. One online community claims 50,000 members, and their goal is to encourage each other to avoid pornography and masturbation for 90 days in the hope of never going back.
Joe and Patty came to my office in crisis. Patty had recently discovered Joe viewing Internet pornography late at night. A search of the computer’s history revealed chronic use of porn. Joe admitted he had a problem with Internet pornography and vowed to get help. He was truly sorry for hurting Patty, but he could not understand why she was so upset about it. Joe couldn’t understand why she had so much difficulty forgiving him and moving on with their relationship. What Joe didn’t understand is how pornography affects wives.
Impact on Wives
For many women, discovering that their husbands have been viewing pornography is similar to uncovering an extramarital affair. As a result, they experience a variety of emotions: anger, hurt, sadness, betrayal, and rejection. They believe their husbands would rather be with the women they view in pornography rather than their wives. Often they feel that they have been replaced by a computer image. The woman on the computer screen is “the other woman.” Because of this, many women are devastated whey they discover their husbands have been looking at porn.
For many wives, their husbands’ use of pornography is a violation of marital trust. When a man and woman marry, they vow to love, honor and cherish each other for the rest of their lives. Viewing pornography is akin to breaking these vows because they are in no way a sign of a man’s love, honor and respect for his wife. For these women, the men they married all of a sudden seem like strangers. Many feel like fools forever having trusted their husbands. For some women, the violation of trust is so deep that they question if they can go on with their marriage. While they might be able to forgive their husbands, rebuilding trust can be extremely difficult.
Pornography invading the home can also lead a wife to feel old, unattractive, and sexually undesirable. It’s no secret that most of the women in pornography are just over 18 years of age. Furthermore, thanks to plastic surgery, makeup and digital photographic enhancement, most of the women in pornography do not exist in real life. They are too “perfect.” A wife in her mid-thirties who has had a few children might be very beautiful; however, she does not look like a 19-year-old. Because of this, she may think, “How can I compete with the young girls in porn?” This can lead her to feel ugly, undesirable and rejected by her husband. This is further compounded by the effects that pornography can have on a man’s sexual performance. A man who is addicted to pornography can become so accustomed to being sexually aroused by the “perfect” women in pornography that he can eventually find it difficult to perform sexually with his own wife.
Impact on Husbands
Studies have shown that men crave respect from their wives more than love. Pornography robs men of this basic need. Pornography use almost always leads women to lose respect for her husbands. They also begin to view their husbands as poor role models for their children. This adds to the lack of respect. This can be very painful for women because it inhibits their ability to love, honor and respect their husbands. Men were created to be the leaders, providers and protectors of their wives and families. Pornography prevents men from being able to fulfill these roles because it leads a man to isolate himself and neglect his wife and children. This deepens the trust wound in the marriage.
In addition to the emotional effects that pornography has on wives and marriages, it can also have physical ramifications. When a man becomes addicted to pornography, he eventually develops a tolerance to it. What was once sexually arousing becomes boring and uninteresting. Thus, he can go from viewing soft porn to hardcore porn. After a while, even this is not enough. He may develop a desire to perform the sexual acts he has seen in pornography. This can lead to using prostitutes and engaging in anonymous sex. With this comes the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases.
In one couple I treated, the wife found out about her husband’s pornography and sex addiction from her physician. She had gone to her gynecologist for her annual examination and was informed that she had a sexually transmitted disease. She had gotten it from her husband, who had been frequenting prostitutes. Since she had always been faithful to her husband, she knew she caught the disease from him. After confronting him, he confessed. One can hardly imagine the devastation this couple felt. Although this couple loved each other dearly and were committed to mending their marriage, it took months of therapy to work on forgiveness and rebuilding trust.
Fortunately, most couples are not like the one just described. Most are like Joe and Patty. When people think of addiction recovery, they often envision the addict attending 12-step group meetings and individual therapy sessions. While these are needed for recovery, marital therapy is also needed to heal the deep wounds inflicted on the marital relationship.
Moving Toward Healing
In all cases, wives need to learn how to forgive their husbands. This comes by understanding the deep emotional wounds that lead a man into pornography addiction. When one understands that addictive behaviors are often symptoms of deeper wounds, it becomes easier to have compassion and forgive. Trust also has to be rebuilt in the marriage. This comes from the husband taking responsibility for his recovery and proving his trustworthiness to his wife. As forgiveness and trust grow, the couple experiences healing in their relationship. Thus, addiction recovery is not just for the addict, it involves spouses and families too.
Couples need to realize that even the most devastating situations can lead to greater love, trust, and intimacy in a marriage. There is always hope. There is always room for optimism. husbands understand how their pornography use affects their wives and marriage. It is my hope that this understanding will prevent men from viewing pornography as well as help heal marriages that have been damaged by pornography use. Please read Porn Circuit: the_porn_circuit_covenant_eyes for more information on pornography addiction
A recent Cambridge study showing identical brain activity in addicts to pornography, drugs, and alcohol is “spot on.” According to The Sunday Times of Sept. 22, neuropsychiatrists at Cambridge found that the portion of the brain stimulated in drug and alcohol addicts lights up in the same way as it does for porn addicts viewing explicit materials. The brains of those who are not in the habit of using porn did not react in the same manner to the same materials.
“That kind of brain research is spot-on, and there have been a number of different approaches and studies that have said the same thing,” said Bruce Hannemann, co-founder of Elizabeth Ministry International and its program Reclaim Sexual Health.
“It doesn’t surprise me at all that more and more, people are finding out that there are patterns of addictions that are similar across the board,” he told CNA Sept. 25.
Hannemann, a retired chemistry professor, said that “whatever you have as a thought in your mind actually changes the chemistry of your brain.”
Reclaim Sexual Health is an online recovery program that helps those addicted to, or in the habit of, unhealthy sexual behaviors. It utilizes the neuroscience of addiction to allow users to “reprogram’ the chemical pathways in the brain that result in, and subsequently foster, sexual addictions.
The program is based on the knowledge that “the brain truly changes with every thought that we have,” and was developed by a team that included neuroscientists, therapists, neuropsychologists, cognitive-behavioral scientists, and professional trainers.
Hannemann likened Reclaim to a “gym” for the brain, as it is a series of exercises meant to “re-train and re-wire your thought processes.”The exercises help people to “unlearn that (poor) habit and how to re-learn healthy habits in terms of their sexuality and relationships with other people; it’s really a very comprehensive exercise program, and it has to be worked as an exercise program.”
“It all fits the pattern of what we would expect to have happened in human anthropology,” Hannemann explained, and indeed, the pattern of breaking a vice by educating one’s self about the good and habitually acting towards that good—developing the corresponding virtue—fits the description of vice and virtue described by Aristotle more than 300 years prior to Christ.
“It’s our choice to put our brain cells to use to follow our old habits or to wire them into new behaviors and habits and really re-learn our lifestyle,” said Hannemann.
He said the mind “is really capable of telling the brain what to tell your body to do,” but that in the case of addictions, “your brain has become so habituated… that it starts to function on such an automatic level that you kind of take your mind out of the picture.”
When a pornography addict is presented with explicit materials, chemical signals from the senses “go directly to the brain’s pleasure center and call up dopamine… without being processed by the mind anymore.”
Reclaim’s exercises are meant to re-train the brain so that the physical reaction to seeing provocative material will no longer be something that happens in the person but can come under the person’s control and be a personal act—a chosen act that can be controlled rather than an automatic something that happens.
“It doesn’t matter how hopelessly involved someone is with porn and masturbation; if they start practicing putting their mind into the proper decisions and context, the brain chemistry will follow, because the mind controls the brain—you habituate yourself to a holy lifestyle,” Hannemann said.
Reclaim is a Catholic rebrand of another secular program, which was requested by Bishop David Ricken of Green Bay. Hannemann related that shortly after Bishop Ricken’s appointment to Green Bay in 2008, he called the Elizabeth Ministry into his office and directed them to develop programs to deal with human sexuality and to start with pornography, as it is one of the biggest detriments to family life.
When Reclaim was launched in May 2012, Bishop Ricken sent letters to his fellow American bishops “telling them about this program and endorsing it; he’s been a very strong backer.”
Hannemann described Bishop Ricken as “a man of action. He doesn’t like to sit around; he likes to get things done.”
The program of exercises, which is recommended to be followed for at least six months, includes video training, a calendar to track progress, a forum, an online journal, assessments, and a personal trainer, all of which are used anonymously. The program is $49 a month, but if users commit to staying for six months and pay up front, they are given a discount worth one month’s use.
“In terms of what we’ve seen out there in healthy and unhealthy behaviors, we know this is working, really making a difference in people’s lives,” Hannemann said. “If they follow the prescription and the program and make the necessary changes, it will change their life.”
He recommended using the program in concert with prayer and the Sacraments but stressed that if people use only prayer and the sacraments if they are in a state of sexual addiction, they will often be unsuccessful.
“That’s why we’re so excited about this—we have one more thing we can give them—some tools to work on the biology and biochemistry, as well as the theology, and that’s where the real success lies, I think. We have a real integrated approach here.”
Hannemann noted that pornography addiction is not just a problem for adults, as more academics and other authorities have been saying recently.
The British government intends to filter pornography off of internet connections by default to “protect our children and their innocence,” Prime Minister David Cameron said in July.
A Sept. 25 report by the Daily Mail records the shock of a former softcore pornography magazine editor at finding out how much and how graphic pornography 13- and 14-year-old children have been exposed to through the internet.
Hannemann said that Reclaim has received many requests for help from youth—children in middle school and high school—who realize they need help with a burgeoning addiction to pornography.
“They’re begging us for help.”
He noted that Reclaim hopes to develop a program “that would be available for teens, that would be completely free to them, anonymous, that they could work on doing the brain chemistry and changing their behaviors, but not have to spend the money they don’t have.”
“That’s our biggest project right now,” he said, and Reclaim is currently trying to raise funds to produce such a program for teens. Carl Bunderson (CNA/EWTN News)
Need help to overcome porn addiction? Please read the Porn Circuit
The moment I knew internet pornography had cast its dark shadow over the lives of millions of ordinary British teenagers will live with me for ever. I was sitting in the smart drama hall of a specialist sports college in the North of England with a fantastic reputation. Before me were a group of 20 boys and girls, aged 13-14. Largely white, working class children, they were well turned-out, polite, giggly and shy.
As the presenter of a Channel 4 documentary called Porn On The Brain, airing next Monday at 10pm, I’d been invited to sit in on a forward-thinking class led by sex education consultant Jonny Hunt, who is regularly asked into schools to discuss sex and relationships. To establish what these kids knew about sex – including pornography – he had asked the children to write an A-Z list of the sexual terms they knew, no matter how extreme.
Most of these children had just hit puberty and some were clearly still children: wide-eyed, nervous, with high-pitched voices. Some of the girls were beginning their first forays into make-up. Several wore braces on their teeth. Everybody was smartly turned out in school uniform, and the most anti-authority statement in the room was a tie worn deliberately short. A One Direction pencil case lay on a desk. These were clearly good children, from good homes. So far, so very, very ordinary. But when Jonny pinned their lists on the board, it turned out that the children’s extensive knowledge of porn terms was not only startling, it superseded that of every adult in the room – including the sex education consultant himself.
Martin was shocked by what the teenagers said
‘Nugget, what’s that?’ asked Jonny.
‘A nugget is a girl who has no arms or legs and has sex in a porno movie,’ chortled one young, pimply boy, to an outburst of embarrassed laughter from some, and outright revulsion from others.
The adults in attendance were incredulous at the thought that not only did this kind of porn exist, but that a 14-year-old boy may have actually watched it. But the more mundane answers were just as shocking. For example, the first word every single boy and girl in the group put on their list was ‘anal’.
When questioned, they had all – every child in a class of 20 – seen sodomy acted out in porn videos. I was stunned they even knew about it – I certainly hadn’t heard of it at that age – let alone had watched it and as a result may even have wanted to try it.
One 15-year-old girl said, ‘Boys expect porn sex in real life’. And one boy – to choruses of approval – spoke of his revulsion for pubic hair, which he called a ‘gorilla’.
When Jonny pointed out that pubic hair was normal in real life, the boys scoffed, but some of the girls were angry that the boys’ template of what to expect from real girls had clearly already been set by porn.
By the end of the hour-long class – and three others that followed with other children – I was profoundly saddened by what I had witnessed. While teenage boys will always be fascinated by, and curious about, sex, what’s now considered ‘normal’ by under-18s is an entirely distorted view of intercourse and the way relationships should be conducted. It seemed as if the children’s entire expectation of sex had been defined by what they see in online porn. The conversation was horrifying enough, yet there was worse to come.
In the playground, I interviewed a brave group of seven bright boys and girls aged 14-15 to ascertain in more detail what online porn they had witnessed.
‘Nugget, what’s that?’ asked Jonny. ‘A nugget is a girl who has no arms or legs and has sex in a porno movie,’ chortled one young, pimply boy
One boy calmly recalled watching a scene too graphic to describe in a family newspaper, but which had involved an animal.
‘You’re watching bestiality?’ I asked. ‘That’s illegal. Where are you getting this stuff from?’
‘Facebook,’ the boy said. ‘It just pops up whether you want it or not, sometimes via advertisements. You don’t have any control over it.’
A girl added, ‘On Facebook, you just scroll down and it’s there. If any of your friends like it, it comes up on your home page.’
These kids were balanced, smart and savvy. They were the most academically gifted and sporting in the school. They came from ordinary, hard-working households. This was not ‘Broken Britain’.
Some were clearly shocked by what they had seen on the internet.
‘I find it dirty and disturbing,’ said one 15-year-old boy. ‘I try not to look at it, but people just keep sending it to each other. They email disgusting links to each other’s mobile phones to shock.’
One girl put her head in her hands and said, ‘It’s just gross’.
It’s horrifying enough for parents to know that children can get porn via the internet. But to think they get it from Facebook – the social media currency that has become a universal must-have for teenagers globally – will strike terror into their hearts.
I asked the teenagers: ‘On a scale of one to ten, how likely would you say it is that boys and girls your age are watching porn online?’
The reply was a chorus of tens, nines and one eight.
When I asked the children if there were parental controls on the internet at home, they all said no, their parents trusted them. They all admitted their parents had no idea what they were watching, and would be shocked if they did know.
What I saw at the school was awful, but sadly not unusual.
The findings were backed up in a survey of 80 boys and girls aged 12-16, commissioned for the TV show.
It proves the vast majority of UK teens have seen sexual imagery online, or pornographic films.
According to the survey, the boys appear largely happy about watching porn – and were twice as likely as girls to do so – but the girls are significantly more confused, angry and frightened by online sexual imagery. The more they see, the stronger they feel.
But what impact is this steady diet of online depravity having on the attitudes of boys and girls towards real life relationships, and on their self-esteem?
Could it even have a wider impact on their lives, blighting their ability to function in the world, get good qualifications and jobs?
What I discovered left me truly shocked and saddened.
You might be surprised. After all, from 2003-2010 I edited lad’s magazine Loaded.
With its frequent nudity and lewd photo spreads, I’d long been accused of being a soft pornographer, and after leaving Loaded I agonised that my magazine may have switched a generation onto more explicit online porn.
In the documentary I set out on a journey to answer the question: is porn harmless, or is it damaging lives?
My interest was deeply personal, too, as my own beautiful little boy, Sonny, is now four. Even though he has only just started primary school, the Children’s Commissioner estimates boys as young as ten are now being exposed to online porn.
I wanted to know what I could do to protect my own son from a seemingly inevitable exposure to hardcore material in just a few years’ time.
I used to be sceptical that porn was as damaging a force as the headlines and David Cameron – who recently said it was ‘corroding childhood’ – suggest. In the past I’d even defended pornography in university debates, on TV and on radio. I claimed it was our freedom of choice to watch it and said it could actually help add to adult relationships.
But what I saw during the making of the film changed my opinion of pornography forever.
The true stories of boys I met whose lives had been totally taken over by porn not only moved me to tears but also made me incredibly angry that this is happening to our children.
And the looks of revulsion on those poor girl’s faces in the playground enraged me.
I feel as if an entire generation’s sexuality has been hijacked by grotesque online porn.
To find out what porn is doing to young men, and the girls they have relationships with, we spoke to them via online forums and discovered that there were many young lives seriously blighted by an excessive, unhealthy relationship with pornography that can begin when they are as young as 12.
We learned that some had lost their jobs, others had broken relationships, failed exams, or got into serious debt through using porn.
‘When you interview young women about their experiences of sex, you see an increased level of violence: rough, violent sex. That is directly because of porn, as young boys are getting their sexual cues from men in porn who are acting as if they’re sexual psychopaths’
Take the 19-year-old man I got to know. He was handsome, articulate and in full-time employment as an apprentice electrician. But his life was dominated by his porn habit.
‘Every bit of spare time I have is spent watching porn,’ he says. ‘It is extreme. I can’t hold down a relationship for longer than three weeks. I want porn sex with real girls, but sex with them just isn’t as good as the porn.’
Having established, like the recent Children’s Commissioner report, that ‘basically, porn is everywhere’, we set out to discover what all this porn was doing to their brains.
Was it having any effect at all? Could it be addictive?
We found Dr Valerie Voon, a neuroscientist at Cambridge University and a global authority on addiction.
Then, in the first study of its kind, we recruited 19 heavy porn users who felt their habit was out of control and had Dr Voon examine their brain activity as they watched, among other things, hardcore porn. She showed them a variety of images, both stills and videos.
These ranged from images known to excite all men, such as bundles of £50 notes and extreme sports in action, to mundane landscapes and wallpapers – all inter-spliced with hardcore porn videos, plus pictures of both clothed and naked women.
The ways in which their brains responded to this diverse imagery were compared with the responses of a group of healthy volunteers.
She was interested in a particular brain region called the ventral striatum – the ‘reward centre’ – where our sense of pleasure is produced. This is one of the areas where an addict will show a heightened response to visual representations of their addiction – whether it’s a syringe or a bottle of vodka.
‘Letting our children consume it freely via the internet is like leaving heroin lying around the house’
What we discovered was a revelation. When shown porn, the reward centre of normal volunteers barely reacted, but that of the compulsive porn users lit up like a Christmas tree.
The compulsive porn users’ brains showed clear parallels with those with substance addictions.
Everybody on the project was astounded, even Dr Voon, who admitted she had been ‘sceptical and ambivalent’ about the study at the outset.
If porn does have the insidious power to be addictive, then letting our children consume it freely via the internet is like leaving heroin lying around the house, or handing out vodka at the school gates.
And this toxic effect is filtering down directly into young girls’ lives.
The most shocking testament came from Professor Gail Dines. Regarded as the world’s leading anti-pornography campaigner, she has interviewed thousands of men and women about sex and pornography.
‘When you interview young women about their experiences of sex, you see an increased level of violence: rough, violent sex,’ she says.
‘That is directly because of porn, as young boys are getting their sexual cues from men in porn who are acting as if they’re sexual psychopaths.
‘Pornography is sexually traumatising an entire generation of boys.’
By talking with sexual addiction experts such as Professor John E Grant of the University of Chicago, Dr Paula Hall, the UK’s top sex addiction therapist, and Professor Matt Field from the University of Liverpool, we learned that the teenage brain is especially vulnerable to addiction.
The brain’s reward centre is fully developed by the time we’re teenagers, but the part of the brain that regulates our urges – the pre-frontal cortex – isn’t fully developed until our mid-20s. The brains of teenagers are not wired to say ‘stop’, they are wired to want more. The implications of this study are profoundly troubling.
So who is going to take on the responsibility for protecting our children until they are old enough to do it for themselves?
Can we rely on schools? It strikes me that the current sex education system in the UK – where schools are obliged only to teach the basics of reproduction and the perils of sex, which they can opt out of anyway – is hopelessly outdated.
In the internet age, our children are turning to online porn for an alternative sex education – the worst place they can go.
The Mail claimed a victory in July when David Cameron announced that by the end of 2014 all 19 million UK homes currently connected to the internet will be contacted by service providers and told they must say whether family friendly filters that block all porn sites should be switched on or off.
But our TV show proved that determined children will always find a way around online blocks.
Ultimately, the responsibility lies with us, the parents. The age of innocence is over. Like many parents, I fear that my boy’s childhood could be taken away by pornography. So we have to fight back.We need to get tech-savvy, and as toe-curling as it seems, we are the first generation that will have to talk to our children about porn.
We have to tell our kids that pornographic sex is fake and real sex is about love, not lust.
By talking to them, they stand a chance. If we stick our head in the sand, we are fooling only ourselves.
Millions of people have no more groove in bed—and it’s all because they’re addicted to pornography, according to a report in Psychology Today.
But the problem is much more serious than simply either being good or bad in the sack, it’s a physiological issue causing a new generation of men to lose their libidos 30 years sooner than expected.
How did this happen?
According to the report, overexposure to sexually explicit images and video have caused men to lose interest in ordinary sexual encounters — including experiences with a real woman:
Today’s users can force [their] release by watching porn in multiple windows, searching endlessly, fast-forwarding to the bits they find hottest, switching to live sex chat, viewing constant novelty, firing up their mirror neurons with video action and cam-2-cam, or escalating to extreme genres and anxiety-producing material. It’s all free, easy to access, available within seconds, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
After some time, excessive porn watchers overstimulate a neurochemical in their bodies called dopamine — the drive behind every “want” and “desire” that humans feel we need to “overcome.” But with your libido in constant drive mode, your dopamine reaction will become numb and, eventually, you won’t be aroused by the same experiences as before.
This occurrence is similar to veteran drug users describing their need for stronger mind-inducing chemicals to receive the same “high” they once had. In the same way, porn-addicted men will need more extreme sexual experiences to feel the same kind of arousal.
It’s an endless cycle and if you think Viagra will help, you’re wrong.
Sexual-enhancement drugs work by breaking down a blood vessel dilator called cGMP and this is what causes an erection. If your libido is overworked, the drugs can only cause a physical erection, but a pleasurable sensation cannot be achieved.
The only cure is to avoid internet erotica at all costs, but this will be “one of the most difficult things you’ve ever done,” says the study.
To have “normal” sex again, a “reboot” period—six to 12 weeks—is needed to completely let go of your pornographic nature. Addicts can experience a temporary loss of libido altogether as well as “insomnia, irritability, panic, despair, concentration problems, and even flu-like symptoms.” For more information, read the Porn Circuit
Authors-choice: Hope & Revival 